


Advocates For Change

by rainbowchristy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Ace Pj Liguori, Concentration Camps (Kinda), Escape, Flirting, Gay Dan Howell, M/M, Medical Tests, Minor Character Death, Protests, Running Away, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2020-07-09 03:38:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 30,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19881001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowchristy/pseuds/rainbowchristy
Summary: Dan Howell is gay. He's known that for a long time. But he couldn't be gay. Being gay - or any sexuality for that matter - meant you were taken away from your family and locked away for treatment.How will Dan cope when he's taken to a camp, and will he be able to find love in a world that forbids it?





	1. Chapter 1

“See ya,” Dan said happily as he hugged his friend goodbye. 

“Bye. Come find me once you're out,” he said, hugging back. He pulled away and gave his signature smile before turning and exiting through the heavily guarded gate. Dan turned to go back to his - now single - room. His friend, who he had previously shared a room with, was just granted permission to leave the camp.

~~~~

“And this is your room,” announced a muffled voice from outside the door. Dan’s roommate had left a couple of days ago and Dan was seated on his bed, listening to his shitty music player with headphones. They weren't allowed phones but they were allowed the small music players from staff; even though they sounded so shit, Dan knew it was better than nothing.

There was a knock at the door and it opened, revealing a guard and a hunched over boy. The boy had short, brown, curly hair which he swiped out of his face before looking up. The boy had vibrant green eyes and he gave a small smile to Dan. If Dan hadn't seen the familiar look before, he never would have guessed this was his first experience at a camp.

The guard walked in and the boy followed behind.

“Daniel Howell. This is your new roommate, Pj Liguori. Can you show him around the camp?” the guard spoke. It was phrased like a question but Dan knew it wasn't.

“Of course. Nice to meet you, Pj,” Dan said, turning to Pj.

“You too, Daniel,” the boy - Pj - replied. The guard watched the interaction before nodding and turning to exit.

“Dan,” he corrected, Pj nodding in response. Dan wondered if this was his first camp and, if it was, how traumatising the discovery was for him.

Pj placed his bag of belongings on his bed and followed Dan out of the room. Dan pointed down the hallway and explained there was a tv down there as well as board and card games. They walked down the staircase and out the front door in complete silence.

“So these are the rooms. I don't know if you noticed but there are showers and toilets off from each room. Girls rooms are over there but we aren't allowed in just as they aren't allowed in ours. Have you been to a camp before?” Dan asked. He knew it was rude to ask people about their experiences with camps but usually, people were fine with saying if they had been to a camp before.

“No,” Pj replied, before falling silent yet again. Dan knew not to ask more questions so he moved onto the kitchen and canteen.

“Kitchen. You're only allowed in there if you're on cooking or cleaning duty, and the outdoor canteen,” Dan announced, gesturing to the picnic tables spread around the courtyard. “We can eat wherever we want in the courtyard but food isn't allowed in our rooms,” he explained before continuing to walk.

“Here, we have the rehabilitation centre. Psychologists on the left, testing on the right. Medical ward is around the corner. Pretty simple. There's a small library at the end but no interesting books,” Dan began to head back to their room, Pj following behind as if he were a lost puppy hoping for a place to call home.

“So, that's the camp. Any questions?” Dan asked, falling backwards onto his uncomfortable bed.

“Not that I can think of. When’s dinner?”

“Seven. So it's soon. Hope you're hungry for some barely edible food. Trust me, we’re basically fed bricks. You can sit with me, Gideon and Kyle if you want,” he offered.

“Sure. I'd like that.”

~~~~

“Hello friends,” Dan said, sitting down with his tray of food, Pj following behind.

“Hey, Dan. This your new roommate?” Gideon asked, turning to look at Pj.

“Yep. Gideon, Kyle, meet Pj. Pj, Gideon and Kyle,” Dan introduced as Pj took a seat next to him and began to eat.

~~~~

“Seriously, how can you think the system works?!” Dan questioned, slightly raising his voice but not loud enough for faculty to overhear. He knew nothing good would come from getting caught talking about how the system doesn't work.

“We’re all here because we're dangers to society! We all like people who aren't the opposite sex. They're trying to help us!” Kyle argued, siding with Gideon who also trusted the system.

“Do you really think therapy can change your sexuality?” Pj questioned quietly.

“Exactly, thank you. We can't control who we are. Do you know the success rate for these camps?” Dan agreed.

“Actually, I do,” Gideon said smugly as if he'd one-upped Dan. “Religious camps have an 87% success rate. Gender camps 53%, mental health camps have 96% success and sexuality camps are the lowest at 36.25%. It's only that low because it's a new camp type and they haven't had time to perfect it. Statistics show that the camps work.”

“But has it never crossed your mind that it's so low because it doesn’t work. Think about it. Sexuality camps have existed for around twelve years. All the other camps took years to perfect but not this long.” He argued in response.

“Yeah. The camps don’t work. Mental health can’t be fixed but it can be improved. Religion can change easily because it’s just what people believe. And gender camps are just forcing them to deny who they are. The system is tricking them into repressing it and believing who society tells them they are. That’s no way to live,” Pj agreed. Dan smiled at him, glad to finally have someone on his side.

~~~~

After the four of them decided to drop the argument because none of them were willing to give up, they went to their separate rooms.

“So, you don’t trust the system either?” Dan asked once they were in the privacy of their own room.

“Nah. Doesn’t make any sense to me. No system can make someone change who they are.”

“Exactly. Like, I’m gay and no amount of therapy can change that about me.”

“Yeah. It is quite stupid.” Pj agreed. Dan took note that Pj didn’t specify his sexuality. Of course he didn’t have to but Dan was easily able to assume the boy wasn’t straight.

~~~~

It was one week ago Pj moved into Dan’s room. They were getting along quite well and, now that Dan had a friend who shared his beliefs, Dan was spending barely any time with Gideon and Kyle.

“What do you want to do?” Pj asked, sliding Dan’s headphones off his ears.

“I don’t know. Dinner’s in just under an hour. There’s not much point in starting something.”

“Shit! I just remembered I’m on cooking duty this week. I gotta run.” Pj said, flinging himself from the bed and running out the door, grabbing his jacket on the way.

~~~~

Pj joined Dan as he sat and ate under one of the trees in the courtyard.

“Hey,” Pj called, sitting down next to him and leaning against the tree.

“Hey,” Dan said in response.

“How’s dinner?”

“Better than usual. Must be because you helped out,” Dan said cheesily. It was clear it was a joke but also not at the same time.

“Thanks,” Pj replied with a wink, joking as well.

“Daniel Howell?” a faculty member spoke. The man was buff and could easily take Dan down whenever he wanted, not that Dan did anything wrong.

“Yes?” Dan asked shyly, unsure what he’d done. The guard handed Dan a slip which he recognised instantly, having seen others be handed one before. The guard turned and left, leaving Pj and Dan alone.

“What is it?” Pj prompted, still too new to the camp system to understand what the paper meant.

“It’s a demerit slip. You get them when you do something against what you’re supposed to. It says ‘homosexual act - spoken’. I guess they heard me fake flirt with you as a joke and thought it was real.”

“So what does it do?” Pj continued.

“Not much. I’ll have to get tested tomorrow for my progress. It sucks because my results had just come in with good results and they downgraded my test intervals to a month. They’ll probably change it back to two weeks because of this.” Dan said, sulking a little.

“I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault. It’s the stupid system to blame. When’s your next test?”

“Mhmm,” Pj said in agreement. “Mine’s on Thursday so I got a couple of days to go.”

“Lucky. How often?”

“Every week. Is that normal for new people?”

“Yep. They won’t change it for a few months at least and even then it will only be to two weeks. I’ve been here for almost two years but they think I might be a permanent so they’re testing me every second week.”

“This sucks. I just want to see my family and friends back home,” Pj said, a sad smile appearing on his face as he thought about his life before being found out.

“Me too, Pj. I think everyone here wants to see their family and friends again. Though, most people here are silly enough to believe the system can fix them even though there’s nothing to be fixed. Being queer isn’t bad. Society makes us think it is but it isn’t. It’s called being who we are, no system can change that. And I don’t want to change. I like who I am, gay or not,” Dan ranted, Pj nodding in agreement as he spoke.

“Yeah. I like being ace too. Being myself is nice,” Pj said, watching Dan out of the corner of his eye for any distaste. Despite being gay himself, Dan still could be acephobic. Dan just nodded in agreement before standing to wash his plate up.

~~~~

“What’s your family like?” Dan asked one night after two months of friendship. They were lying on their assigned beds in complete darkness as lights out was already called. Dan knew it was rude to ask but he was curious and they were best friends. Besides, Pj could always just say he didn’t want to talk about it if that’s what he wanted.

“What do you want to know?”

“Anything. Everything. I just want to know you. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, of course.”

“Well, I have a sister, Mia, who is seven years old. My mum and dad, who are divorced. Mia and I- well, Mia lives with my mum, I used to. I had a few friends in school but most people steered clear. I was bullied for my interest in art so people were afraid they’d get bullied too if they were my friend. I never minded though. What else?”

“How’d you find yourself here?”

“I was caught making out with a guy. I didn’t even like him but oh well. He forced himself onto me. I’m actually kinda thankful we were caught. I think he would have raped me if he wasn’t dragged away.” Pj explained, looking down at his hands.

“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that,” Dan said sympathetically. “Wait, you do art?”

“It’s whatever. Yeah. I used to draw all the time but I obviously can’t anymore.”

“Tomorrow, we’re visiting the library. They’ve got drawing books and pencils and stuff. I don’t really enjoy drawing myself but I have a colouring book. They will give you a colouring or drawing book and pencils. It can come back here but you only get one. They will give you another once you finish it.” Dan explained, smiling though no one could see in the darkness.

“Cool, thanks. I’m gonna go to sleep now. Night, Dan.”

“Night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is updated on Mondays and Tuesdays.
> 
> Hope you liked it! Constructive criticism is welcome.
> 
> Check out my Tumblr: https://fadingcrystalvoid.tumblr.com/


	2. Chapter 2

_ Ten years earlier... _

“Okay class, settle down,” Mrs Johnson called and the students began to quite, spinning to face the front of the room. Dan was sitting in the back corner on his own since he didn't have many friends. Though year two students weren't the most aggressive people, they weren't welcoming either.

“Today, we are learning about the system, toxics and repellers. Does anyone know anything about the system?” she continued. A few hands when up around the classroom and though Dan knew a bit, he wasn't one to participate in class. Everyone made fun of him northern accent so he tried to keep quiet.

“Yes, Emily?”

“My mum says that toxics are bad and that we take them from society. She said they go to camps for re- re-” Emily began to say.

“Rehabilitation?” the teacher offered, noticing she was struggling to pronounce the word.

“Yeah, that. And then we bring them back to society once they're safe.”

“That's a good start. Does anyone know anything else?” No hands went up and Dan knew what was coming next.

“Daniel? Do you have any ideas?” she asked. Since he never participated on his own, the teacher always asked him if he had an opinion.

“There are four types of camps for different so-called toxicities. Religion, gender, sexuality and mental illness. These camps all aim for different things but overall, to cure the people called toxics from these things. Repellers are people who don’t believe in the system and actively protest against it. There are a few countries around the world who, due to a large number of repellers, have become repeller countries. Repellers tend to flee there as being one in most countries is really dangerous. There are also child rehabilitation camps which are different from official camps but still aim to get children to believe in the system,” Dan said, ending with a smile. Most people thought he was shy and unsmart but the opposite was true. He wasn't particularly shy and he had a larger vocabulary and understanding than most kids his age.

“Thank you, Daniel,” the teacher spun and begun to write on the board. “So, the system was started in 1789 and has been changed to fit modern technology. Despite these changes, the basic premise is still to protect society from toxics and rehabilitate them before reintroducing them into society. Repellers are almost as dangerous as toxics as they don't believe the system works despite the results that come from camps. Knowing what I've told you, I want you to write in your books what your opinion of the system is and then we will continue.”

Dan looked down and opened his book, grabbing his pen and beginning to write.

_ I don't think the system works. My parents have explained to me bits and pieces about how the system functions and how everything is supposed to help toxics. However, I've also been told that sexualities and genders can't be changed so I'm not sure how the camps are successful. Mental health can be improved so those camps are good but the others just stop people from being who they are. I think people should be who they are and not fear what society will think. _

“Have you all finished?” the teacher asked as Dan wrote his last word. All the students nodded their heads and the teacher asked to collect the books before they go to lunch.

All the students went out for lunch after handing in their books and Dan grabbed a book out of his bag. It was a non-fiction autobiography he'd been reading and he sat back in his seat while all the other kids played outside.

“You really should go play with the other kids, Daniel,” Mrs Johnson advised from her desk where she was reading their work.

“I'm happy here.”

“What are you reading?” the teacher asked, trying to engage Dan in conversation but failing miserably.

“It's called ‘Escape From Camp G824’. Written by Laura Thompson.” Dan read from the cover before opening the book and finding where he was up to.

_ Chapter 7 _

_ My first night out of Camp G824 was the scariest night of my life. I remember it so vividly. I was terrified of-  _

Dan read before the book was pulled from his hands. He looked up the see the teacher scanning the pages. Her face turning from one of disgust to shock.

“I don't know what this book is doing on our shelf but you will not be reading it,” she said, confiscating the book.

“What?! Why not?” Dan said, standing and looking up to his teacher with an angry expression on his face.

“Daniel,” she began, squatting down to Dan's height and placing a hand on his shoulder. “This book is lying. The camps have been created to help people get better. This girl, Laura, did a bad thing and escaped from the camp that was trying to help. Toxics are removed from society for everyone's safety. They're dangerous if left unattended and removing them is the safest option. It's not like they’ll never see their families again. Once they're better, they can return and live a normal life.”

“But what about permtics? My dad told me that some people never get better and remain in camps forever.” Dan questioned, still refusing to trust the system.

“Daniel, some toxics aren't curable so they have to remain in camps permanently but it's for everyone's safety. I want you to go outside and play with the others, okay? Go have fun.” she said, brushing off his question. Dan stood his ground and refused to go outside, grabbing a science fiction novel off the classroom shelf and sitting back in his seat.

~~~~

_ It's wonderful to see you voicing your opinion but I have to wonder if you've been told the wrong things. I don't know where you learnt so much about the camps and their success but it is inappropriate to question the system. I would like to have a meeting with your parents when it's appropriate. _

That’s what Dan’s book read once he received it back. He chucked it in his backpack and left the classroom at the end of the day, walking straight home.

“Dan! How was school?” James, his brother, asked when he saw Dan walking through the door. James was in his first year of high school so Dan no longer had his brother to protect him from society's regulations.

“Alright. I got in trouble for sharing my opinion even though I was asked to. How about you?” Dan explained.

“Pretty good. Mind telling me what you said?”

“I wrote it down. We were learning about the system and we were asked to write our opinion on it,” Dan said, fishing his book out of his bag to give to his brother.

“It's not inappropriate, Dan. You understand that, right? The school system tries to make us believe in the system and trust that it works but our parents have taught us about both sies and let us make our own decision. Be thankful for that, not many kids are as lucky as us,” James said after finishing reading his work.

“I know. Umm, Jamie?” Dan asked, getting ready to deliver the bad news.

“Mhmm?”

“I, umm, remember the book you lent me? ‘Escape From Camp G824’?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, Mrs Johnson took it off me. I'm sorry. She thought it was part of the school's library and confiscated it.”

“Oh, okay. Well, I'll get Mum and Dad to get it back when they meet with your teacher. Were you enjoying it?”

“It was amazing. It’s incredible people can be that brave.”

“Where'd you get up to?”

“Her first night after leaving the camp. I've got homework to do but thanks for being so cool about me losing your book.”

“It's no problem, Bear,” he said, smiling before turning back to his own work.

~~~~

“Mr and Mrs Howell. Thank you for coming in,” Mrs Johnson said, shaking Dan’s parent’s hands.

“Our pleasure. What’s the issue?” Dan’s father asked, sitting down with Dan in between him and his wife.

“Well, I'm a little concerned about Dan’s opinions of the system.” Dan’s mum and dad nodded to continue. “Last week, we were learning about the system and I'm sure you're both aware how intelligent Dan is. I asked the students to write about their opinions on the system and he wrote about how it doesn't work,” she paused, gauging their response. “He has a larger understanding of our society than the other students and I worry this will result in him being taken to a child camp.”

“Are you asking us not to educate our son?” Dan’s father asked.

“Not at all. I'm just asking you to educate him about the right things. Teaching children about the few negatives of the system will result in him being taken away from you and I'm sure neither of you wants that. There’s also the matter that he got his hands on a repeller book. Those books teach children not to trust the system which is only in place to help people.”

“Can we see the book?” Dan watched as his dad was handed James’ book and he stood, signalling for him and his mum to do the same. “Well, it was lovely to meet you but we want our children to know the full truth and be able to make up their own minds and opinions,” he explained before exiting the room. Dan followed sheepishly behind, dreading the following day when he'd have to interact with his teacher again.

~~~~

Dan was laying on his bed thinking about nothing in particular when there was a knock at his door.

“Come in,” he called. The door opened to reveal James who was holding a familiar-looking book.

“I wanted to give this back to you,” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed and placing the book in Dan’s lap.

“But I lost it. Why are you trusting me with it again?”

“Well, there is a condition. Don't take it to school and you can keep it as long as you want, okay?” he offered, smiling.

“Really?” Dan exclaimed excitedly. He wasn't expecting to ever finish the book but now he got to.

“Of course!” he grinned. “Dan?”

“Yeah?”

“You know how our parents always tell us to tell them everything?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, you can tell me anything, too. I don't care who you are as long as you're happy. You can be part of any religion, be any sexuality or gender or have a mental illness. Nothing will make me stop loving you,” he said seriously, looking Dan directly in the eyes.

“I know. And the same goes for me. I'll love you forever, no matter what.”

“Dan,” he said, taking on a dark and even more serious tone. “If anything ever happens to me,” he began.

“What are you talking about?”

“Nothing. I'm just saying, if anything ever happens to me, I want you to live a happy life. Be who you are and don't change for anyone. I love you, okay? Goodnight, Bear,” James said solemnly. He stood and exited the room, Dan calling ‘goodnight’ after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope your enjoying it! Next chapter will be out Friday next week.


	3. Chapter 3

It was the eight-month-aversary of when Pj arrived at Camp S369. Dan was reasonably lucky the closest camp of this type was only an hour and a half from his home. Pj, however, lived North of London so he had to travel almost two and a half hours in the back on an uncomfortable paddy wagon.

Dan and Pj were seated under their usual tree eating breakfast before the day started. Dan was in testing that day and Pj planned to spend all day drawing in their room though guards would probably come around and tell him to spend time outside.

“See ya,” Dan said, standing to wash his plate before heading to the rehabilitation centre.

“Bye, good luck!” Pj called after him, still eating his poorly made meal.

“I’m here for testing,” Dan said to one of the doctors in the centre.

“Daniel Howell?” she replied.

“Yes.”

“Right this way,” she said, turning to grab a clipboard before walking down the hallway and turning into a room. “Take a seat,” she instructed, setting up the needles and other equipment.

Dan sat on the bed and watched everything be prepared. The doctor came over to him with a tray of needles and utensils. Without warning, the needle was picked up and inserted into Dan’s inner elbow as it was a blood test. A tub of blood was extracted and the tube was then switched for one to insert a purple fluid into his veins. Dan knew from experience that the fluid was required for later on during the test, after all the questioning.

The doctor plugged the blood into the testing system which was connected to a computer that would analyse his blood and give a per cent cured score back. The analysis was going to take ten minutes so other parts of the test were done while waiting.

Dan was instructed to lie down on the bed so he did so. The woman performed a regular doctor’s check-up, testing his eyes, ears, nose and mouth. Once the results from his blood sample were returned, the doctor checked them but didn’t say the information. Next, the mental part of the test began.

“So, are you happy at this camp?” she asked.  _ No. _

“I guess.”

“How are your friends and roommate?”  _ Great. _

“Pretty good.”

“Any romantic interests?”  _ Definitely not. I haven’t found the right guy. _

“No.”

“Are you sure?”  _ Pretty sure. And even if I did, he’d be a guy so I’d never tell you. _

“Yes.”

“Okay. How are you sleeping and eating habits?”  _ Pretty good. _

“Alright. I sleep for about eight to nine hours every night. Three meals a day.”

“And what are your hobbies at this camp?”

“Reading, listening to music, colouring in occasionally, not much else.”

“And lastly, any demerit slips or things you wish to tell me about?”

“I got one...” Dan said, reaching into his back pocket to get it out. He handed it over and watched her read it.

“Who was this to?” She asked.

“A friend. But it was entirely a joke. I don’t like him like that.”

“Okay. But even as a joke, homosexual acts are not allowed at this or any camp. Even if it were allowed, it’s disgusting. Your results are in but I will need another blood sample before I show you.” She explained, grabbing another needle and drawing blood. The purple fluid from the start of the test affected the blood in his arm (there was a band around his arm stopping blood circulation) which was said to affect results, making them “more accurate” ( _ my ass _ ).

After another ten minute wait with more questions, the results were in. She printed them and handed them over. The page showed two graphs. The first graph showed a rough incline and the other showed a steady incline and a small drop at the end. The first showed results at the start of the test while the other showed after. Reading the graph, it was clear Dan was being ‘cured’ through the camp’s system, however, the new data caused a dip.

“Thirty-three per cent cured. Two weeks ago it was thirty-five. This is likely just a small setback but you will need to come in next week to make sure you’re still on the road to recovery. If the results are lower, we will have to put you up for perm-rehab. Same time next week?”

“Yup. See ya,” Dan said solemnly, as the doctor began to pack up the equipment.

“Stay out of trouble,” she called as he opened the door.

~~~~

“How’d you go?” Pj questioned from his bed. He had a sketchbook in his arm and a pencil in his hand.

“Alright, I guess. My progress is two per cent lower than last time so I have to go back for another test in a week. If it’s lower again, they're putting me up for perm-rehab. And from there, it’s only a matter of time before they make me a permtic.”

“That sucks. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be a permtic. Knowing you’re never getting outta here.” Dan’s face fell as he thought of the concept. He’d never see his mum, dad, brother or friends ever again. Though he didn’t have much hope of it happening before, knowing for a fact it would never happen was heartbreaking. “Uh, I mean. I’m sure you’ll get out. It’s probably just a setback.”

“Yeah, I guess. I just wanna leave. Even if it’s only for a day. Just to see what life is like outside these walls. I’ve been here for almost two years and I want to know what the world is like. How much has it changed?” he pondered out loud. Pj placed his book and pencil on the bed next to him and swung his legs off so he was seated on the edge of the bed. Dan did the same on his bed though further back so he could sit cross-legged.

“I have a question. And you don’t have to agree but if you choose not to, please don’t tell anyone,” Pj began. Dan thought briefly about what the question could be and nodded.

“I don’t know what it is but I won’t tell anyone,” Dan promised.

“Okay. I was thinking of escaping. Well, planning actually,” he paused, checking Dan for any reluctance. “Neither of us want to be here. We could sneak out one night and leave. We’d never have to see this place again. I was planning to walk to Brighton and flying to Ireland from there. Ireland is a repeller country so we would be safe. And Brighton's a safe haven as well. There’s a large repeller population with centres to help toxics. What do you say?” Pj explained. He sounded hopeful Dan would agree and Dan couldn’t think of a reason not to. Well, aside from the high risk of getting caught.

“Pj, honestly, it sounds amazing. I’d love nothing more than to leave this place and forget it ever existed but if we get caught-”

“We won’t. We can leave next week, right after my test.”

“But what if we do? If we get caught, we’re sent back here and are made permtics regardless of our progress. Is it really worth the risk?”

“Of course it is. We’d be free!”

“I guess you’re right. If I stay, I’ll become a permtic anyway. What’s the plan?” Dan said, finally giving in to the part of his brain telling him to go for it. More of his brain told him he was stupid and would be is serious hell if he got caught but he ignored it. The prospect of never seeing Camp S369 again was more exciting than anything in the past three years.

“I was thinking Thursday night, after my test. Your test is a week from today so they won’t expect anything from you. We’d sneak out and travel to Brighton, which is a safe haven the government is still working to shut down. It’s got a toxic’s centre for anyone who needs a temporary place to stay. From there, we’d get a flight to Ireland which is a repel country. We’d be safe there from everything. We could live our lives without fear, we’d never have to see another camp again. What do you say?” Pj explained with a large smile on his face, happy to have someone else to plan his escape with and also that he wouldn’t be alone while executing it.

“It sounds incredible. Like something out of a fairytale. I just have one question; how do we afford the flight? We don’t have any money,” Dan questioned, though Pj’s smile didn’t falter, signalling he already had thought about it.

“The centre gives out charity money for people who need a way to escape. It’s all donated by repellers and uncaptured toxics to help people like us.”

“Sounds amazing. We will have to be extremely careful though. We can’t leave anything to chance.”

“I can’t wait to never see this place again. I want to contact my family once we’re out, get a job, start a family. I want to live my life.”

~~~~

It was Wednesday and Dan and Pj were adding finishing touches to their plan. Everything was mapped out. They’d leave just after lights out, sneak out of the camp, and walk. It was a fifteen-hour walk from the camp to Brighton but it would be entirely worth it. After arriving in Brighton, they’d go to the toxic’s centre and freshen up, getting a meal there as well. Then they’d leave the country on a not-so-legal flight. It wasn’t exactly a safe idea but it was far better than staying at the camps permanently.

~~~~

The camps had been getting busier and busier and people were starting to have two roommates rather than one. Dan’s test came back with negative results and he was officially a permtic, not that it mattered. Now, if he escaped, nothing would change, he’d just be on higher surveillance.

Dan and Pj were lying on their beds, just after lunch. Pj was drawing a superhero he used to like as a kid and Dan was listening to music. They both looked up when there was a knock at the door. When it opened, a guard and tall man were revealed. Dan pushed himself up the bed so he was seated, Pj doing the same. The tall boy had jet black hair and beautiful blue eyes and Dan would be lying if he said he didn't find the man at least a little attractive.

“Daniel Howell, Pj Liguori. Meet Phillip Lester, your new roommate.”

“Our new- what?” Dan questioned.

“Your new roommate. There has been an influx in toxics and the camp is now changing these rooms to fit three people. A bed will be added before the end of the day. Can one of you show him around?”

“We both will,” Pj announced, standing and walking over to Phil. “Nice to meet you, Phillip. I'm Pj.” He extended his hand to shake as Dan walked over to introduce himself. Phil’s hand moved over to shake Dan’s but he wasn't one for physical contact with strangers. He quickly lowered his hand as he introduced himself.

“Call me Phil,” he said, smiling at them. He seemed too happy to be at the camp and so unconfused at everything around him. Dan guessed he'd been to a camp before this one.

“Dan,” Dan said.

~~~~

“Pj,” Dan whispered while Phil had a shower later that night. After the guard left, Pj and Dan led Phil around the camp, teaching him everything he needed to know to survive there.

“Yeah?” he replied, equally as quiet.

“What do we do about tomorrow?”

“What about tomorrow?” Pj replied, clearly having forgotten about their plans. How could he forget about the only interesting thing that was going to happen at this camp? Maybe he was confused about why their plans would have changed?

“Should we escape another night?” he questioned. Phil would make it difficult to escape but they had their minds set on a better future. Besides, Phil clearly knew how the system worked and didn’t need their help.

“Probably. We don't want to raise suspicions but it might be easier to do it before we become friends.”

“We’re already friends. Besides, I really like him,” Dan announced, still quiet. Pj’s eyes widened a little and an evil smirk appeared on his face.

“Oh really?” he said in a suggestive manner, clearly insinuating Dan had a crush on the new boy.

“Not like that you weirdo. We only met six hours ago,” Dan reasoned. It wasn't a crush, he knew that. Would he say Phil was attractive? Definitely, but it wasn't a crush. At least, not yet.

~~~~

“Hey, guys. So, they forgot to get me a bed. Am I allowed to go remind them or will I get killed for that?” Phil asked as he dried his hair with a towel.

“Well, I don’t think they’d kill you per se. But you shouldn’t ask them for anything unless you really need it,” Dan advised. “I can share with Pj for the night and you can take my bed,” he offered, completely fine with sharing a single bed with his best and only friend.

“You sure? I don’t want to get you in trouble,” he trailed off.

“It’s fine. I’m a permtic anyway. What are they gonna do?” Dan argued. Pj nodded in agreement even though punishments could and would exist for him.

“Thanks, I guess. See you in the morning,” Phil said, climbing into Dan’s bed and closing his eyes.

“Night.”

“Night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it and the change in updating schedule! If you haven't been informed already, I'm now updating this story twice a week (Mondays and Fridays). Again, constructive criticism is always welcome; I'm always looking to improve my writing.
> 
> Check Out My Tumblr: https://fadingcrystalvoid.tumblr.com/  
> (I accept prompts/requests there as well as answer any questions you might have.)


	4. Chapter 4

_ Nine years earlier... _

“Bear! Dinner time!” Dan’s mum called from the bottom of the stairs. Dan spun his chair around and stood, stretching. He exited his bedroom and headed downstairs and into the kitchen.

“Hi, Mum,” he greeted. “Where’s dad and Jamie?”

“Your dad’s got to stay late at work and Jamie’s in his room. Can you go get him?”

“Of course,” he replied, leaving the room as his mum finished setting the table ready for dinner.

“Jamie, it’s dinner time,” he announced, knocking lightly on the door. When there was no reply, he began to open the door.

“Jamie, you in here?” Dan called. He looked around the room and saw no one. Dan decided to check the bathroom but as he got closer, he heard light sobs. It was clear someone was crying. Dan walked up and knocked on the door. Hearing a large sniffle from inside and James asking ‘who is it?’

“Dan. Mum told me to tell you dinner is ready. Are you okay in there?”

“Y-yeah. I’ll be down soon. Start dinner without me,” James replied, sniffing once more.

“O-okay. Are you sure?” Dan asked again, worry seeping into his voice. He was concerned about his brother and why he was crying. Had something happened at school?

“I’m fine. I’ll be down in a minute, Bear,” he said, using Dan’s familiar nickname.

“Okay. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Dan left his brother in the bathroom and went to start dinner, still worried about him. He debated telling his mum James was crying but decided not to as he would likely tell her himself.

“Where’s James?” his mother asked as he sat down without his brother.

“Bathroom. Said he’d be down in a bit and to start dinner without him,” Dan explained, leaving out the bit about him crying. He wasn’t sure why but he felt it wasn’t up to him who knew. Besides, he and Dan always told their parents everything they needed to know. If James decided it was important, surely he would tell their parents on his own.

“Okay, well, eat up,” his mother, sat opposite him, picked up her fork. Dan did the same and started eating the homemade gnocchi that their entire family loved.

“Hey. Sorry I’m late,” James said as he walked into the kitchen and sat down eight minutes later. Yes, Dan had been counting. If he got to ten, he planned to go check on him again. What had taken him so long? James was wearing winter pyjamas despite being late spring and there were no signs he’d been crying. His face wasn’t red and puffy like Dan’s went after crying and he was smiling as brightly as ever.

~~~~

The next day was one of the worst in Dan’s life. He’d never forget what happened and how everything went downhill during that moment.

It had started like any normal day; waking up, getting ready for school, going to school. The day passed in a blur as nothing interesting happened and, as usual, Dan sat alone at the back of the classroom reading. His teacher tried to make him socialise with the other students but Dan just wasn’t a particularly social person. He’d much rather sit on his own with a book (good or bad), so that’s what he did.

Once he got home, he entered the study to do some school work. James arrived home around half an hour later and his dad, two hours after that. His mum had a late shift that day so dinner plans were leftovers to heat up whenever they wanted.

There was a knock at the door and Dan stood to answer it. He knew James and their father were in the lounge on the other side of the house so they probably didn’t hear it. He looked through the peephole but it was too dark to see anything. When Dan opened the door, it was to people he wished he’d never see at his house.  _ Is it too late to close the door and pretend we aren’t home?  _ said one half his mind.  _ Yes. Yes, it is. They’ve seen you and you’ve opened the door,  _ said the other half.

Standing in front of him were two buff men in navy blue suits. They held out badges that showed their picture, name and job as well as other information. All Dan could concentrate on were the words ‘Toxic Rehabilitation Unit’ written in big, bold letters under their name tags. One of the men, the one with a beard, spoke.

“James Howell?” he asked Dan.

“N-no. I-I’m Dan,” Dan replied meekly. He was an eight-year-old and though he understood perfectly what was going on, he was so scared and his mind went blank.

“Is James home?” the other man, the one without a beard, asked.

“Uhh, y-yes. I-I’ll go get h-him,” Dan stuttered out. He left the door open as he knew he was supposed to and went into the lounge. “Umm, dad?” he asked. His father paused the show they’d been watching and looked to Dan.

“Yes?”

“Umm, people from the toxic rehabilitation unit are here to see Jamie,” he explained slowly. Two sets of eyes travelled to James as he swallowed, standing.

“Do you know why they're here?” Dan’s dad asked James.

“I have an idea,” he replied, not going into any more detail. James and his father followed Dan out of the room and towards the front door.

“James Howell?” the bearded man asked. James nodded his head and the man continued. “We’re here because we received a report of self-inflicted scars on your arms. We are legally required to check if these claims are true,” he explained. Dan watched as his brother nodded and began to lift his long sleeves.

James’ arms revealed hundreds of cuts, some old and some new; Dan could bet there were more on his legs and/or stomach. James looked so disappointed in himself as he refused to make eye contact with anyone, including the two government officials. The two men shared a look before the non-bearded one spoke.

“James Howell. We need to remove you from your home for everyone’s safety. You will be taken to a mental health camp and rehabilitated. After that, you can return home,” the man explained. “You may resist but if you do, more harm will come to you and possibly your family.”

“Please, could you please give my wife a chance to say goodbye before he leaves. I can call her now and she can be here within ten minutes. Please, Sirs.” Dan’s father begged. Dan had never seen his father beg before. His father was always too proud to do so and Dan had been raised to never beg for anything as, according to him, it lowered the value of freedom.

“We can wait. James, I will accompany you to your room and you can fill one bag with belongings to take with you. I will have to check everything you pack beforehand to make sure you aren’t a danger to yourself or anyone else,” the non-bearded man explained. James nodded sadly before turning to his room, the man following behind.

The bearded man followed Dan and his father inside as he dialled his wife’s number.

“Hey, honey. You’ve got to come home now,” Dan’s father said. Dan couldn’t hear the other side of the line. “James is being taken to a camp. He self-harmed. The toxic rehabilitation unit officials will wait for you to get home so you can say goodbye but you have to come now.” There was a pause. “Okay, honey. See you soon, love you.” Dan’s father removed the phone from his ear and pulled Dan in for a hug.

“Do you know what’s going on?” he asked Dan.

“Of course. I’m eight, not three,” Dan began, starting to sniffle. “He’s going to take away my brother and I’ll never see his again,” Dan announced angrily, pointing to the man who was studying the picture frames on the wall.

“It’s in everyone’s best interest,” he reasoned, not looking away from the wall.

“No, it’s not! My brother is happy here and we love him! Why do you force everyone to be away from the people they love!?” Dan shouted, causing the man to look away. He walked over to Dan and slightly leaned over him, glaring.

“Listen here, little boy. And listen good. Your brother is a danger to society and if you don’t watch that little mouth of yours, we’ll take you too,” he threatened. Dan’s father stood from where he was kneeling and stepped forward towards the man, hiding Dan behind him. He was taller than the bearded man which worked well for his intimidating posture.

“You may work for the law and system but I will not tolerate you threatening my son. He has done nothing to provoke legal action and, if I remember correctly, threats of violence are illegal to anyone from anyone.”

The man glared at Dan’s father but stopped as James entered with the non-bearded man behind.

“Dan, I love you, okay? I don’t want anything bad to happen to you so please stay safe. If not for yourself, for me. I love you, Bear. Don’t ever forget that. I will see you again, once I’m out, yeah? You’ll be here, living your life to the fullest every day and one day you’ll come home from school and I’ll be sitting on the couch, reading a good book. Remember that day whenever you feel sad or angry. I will come back, I love you,” James voiced, showing how much he truly loved Dan. By the end of his speech, both boys had tears streaming their faces but neither cared to wipe them away. Dan whispered ‘I love you’ in return but remained silent aside from that, scared of being taken from his family as well.

Jamie rose from his spot in front of Dan and walked over to their dad. “Dad, thank you for being the amazing person you are. I could not have been happier with the family I got. I got to grow up laughing and smiling with you, mum and Dan and I’m so happy for that. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but I didn’t want to be taken away. I’m so sorry, I love you. Please keep everyone safe, that would be enough for me. I love you all.”

“I love you, too. We will see each other again; I know we will. You are an incredible son. A remarkable brother, too. Good luck, Jamie,” Dan’s father said, wiping a stray tear from his eye.

The front door was still open so Dan’s mother was able to run straight through the door into the lounge.

“Jamie. Oh, Jamie. I love you so much,” she announced, rushing in for a hug with him. Jamie hugged back but was quickly pulled away by the non-bearded man.

“No physical contact. We don’t want you infecting the others.”

“I love you, Mum,” James whispered sadly. Everyone knew it was the last time those words would be exchanged for a long time even though no one wanted to admit it.

“I love you too, Jamie.”

“We must be leaving now. Camp offices shut at nine-thirty and unless you wish to be spending the entire night in the back of our car, we have to get going,” the bearded man explained.

Though just having been told not to, Jamie ran at Dan for one last hug. It only lasted a second but it meant the world to Dan. “Bye,” he said for the last time. And just like that, Dan’s brother was gone.

Dan spent that night crying his little heart out in his room. After the tears dried, he’d be reminded of another thing that made his brother wonderful and a new volcano of saltwater would erupt. If Dan wasn’t so hysterical, he’d worry about dehydration. But, in the situation, he couldn’t care less about his body’s health. His brother had only been gone an hour and Dan was missing him more than he’d ever missed anything before. His young heart felt as if it had broken into a million pieces and he was too drained of emotion to repair it.

It was around ten-thirty when Dan had finally managed to cry himself to sleep. He knew there were many more tears to come tomorrow but he was so exhausted, he just had to sleep for a bit. Dan dreamt of his brother, crying silent tears as he lay under thin sheets, unconscious and loathing his new life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it! Let me know what you think and remember, constructive criticism is always welcome.


	5. Chapter 5

Dan and Pj had met Phil a week ago and to say it was a quickly formed friendship would be the understatement of the year. The three boys were three peas in a pod - inseparable. Despite this, there was always an unspoken tension between them.

“Can you come help me a sec?” Pj asked from his bed.

“What with?” Dan questioned, standing from his bed and moving over to Pj’s.

“This,” he said, gesturing to his drawing. 

“What’s wrong with it?”

“Nothing. It’s just, I don’t know. Does he look like how you imagined him?” Pj questioned, looking up to Dan from his drawing. Dan studied it and tried to work out who it was.

“I’m sorry, Peej. I don’t know who it’s supposed to be...” he explained, trailing off.

“It’s Harry Potter,” Pj announced as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Dan stared at him, confusion written all over his face. “Do you not know who Harry Potter is?” he asked in disbelief.

“No. Am I supposed to?” he asked slowly. Dan watched as Pj’s face turned from confusion to sadness to utter surprise.

“How have you never heard of Harry Potter? He’s only the main character of one of the best fiction book series out there,” Pj said, faking anger.

“I’m not really into fiction.” Dan said apologetically.

“I’ve known you for how long and I never knew that?” he laughed, causing Dan to laugh too. Soon they were falling over laughing on the floor, even though they both knew it wasn’t that funny.

Phil walked into the room and stopped dead in his tracks. Pj and Dan were on the ground, laughing to the point that they might suffocate. It was honestly kinda terrifying.

“Having fun?” Phil joked, placing his new book on his bed.

“Oh! Phil, you back,” Dan said, standing and brushing himself off. Pj followed, leaning on Dan to keep himself up as he stopped laughing.

“Yep. What were you laughing about?”

“Uh,” Pj began, sharing a look with Dan. What were they laughing about? Nothing really funny had happened. “Honestly, I have no clue. We just broke out laughing and couldn’t stop,” he explained. Phil nodded and said ‘uh huh’ in a way that made it sound like Pj and Dan were mental cases which only caused them to laugh again.

~~~~

Dan, Phil and Pj were playing scrabble one afternoon about an hour before dinner.

“Cat,” Phil said, placing down his tiles. Dan, as scorekeeper, wrote down his points and moved onto his turn.

“Dingo.” He marked his own points and then it was Pj’s turn.

“I have nothing,” he announced, faking extreme sadness.

“You’ve got to have something. Even if it’s just two letters,” Phil reasoned.

“Really, I got nothing. I’m swapping out my tiles cause this is bullshit,” Pj decided. He grabbed the bag of tiles and tipped his in, getting seven new ones.

~~~~

“Where are you going?” Phil questioned one afternoon when Dan stood abruptly to leave.

“Dinner duty,” he answered. Pj and Phil nodded in reply and Dan walked out the room towards the kitchen.

“I’m here for dinner duty,” Dan said to the head of the kitchen. She was an aggressive looking person that Dan would have avoided if given the chance. However, one he met her, she’d turned out to be a lovely and caring lady.

“Thank you, Dearie,” she replied, smiling. She led him through to the kitchen area and informed him of his job. “If you could help with the fries, Love,” she asked. That was another wonderful quality this lady had that most camp staff didn’t. She requested things rather than demanded them. Because of this, Dan was much more inclined to follow instructions, it felt as if he got a choice even if he didn’t really.

“Of course.”

Dan spent the rest of the hour chopping and cooking potatoes. Out of all the duties they were given at the camp, cooking was probably his favorite. He just liked the creative aspect of it.

“Everyone,” the lady called, getting everyone’s attention. “Thank you for helping me. You can go eat now. Please be back at seven forty-five to pack up.” Dan and the others began to remove their aprons and walked out of the kitchen.

After dinner, Dan returned to the kitchen alone. He was used to this, most people bailed after. No one ever got in trouble for not helping to pack up but Dan always felt horrible for the kind lady who’d have to clean everything herself.

“Thank you, Dearie,” she said, noticing Dan washing up the plates.

“No problem. I wasn’t about to let you wash everything up on your own,” he reasoned. She walked over to his side and began to dry the plates that were being air-dried in the rack.

“You’re a good man, I hope you know that. All the others run at the first chance they get, leaving me with all the washing up. You come and help out even on the days it’s not your job,” she said sadly, but smiling at him towards the end.

~~~~

Later that night, Dan was lying quietly in his bed. Phil and Pj had likely already fallen asleep but Dan couldn’t. He was thinking about how much the lady appreciated his help in the kitchen, and how sad she'd be when she had to start working alone every night. When Pj and Dan escaped, which they still planned to do, she’d be lonely. Dan felt guilty but ultimately decided it was for the best. He couldn’t take living in this camp for any longer, and he needed freedom.

She wasn’t a toxic. She could leave whenever she wanted if she didn’t like it there. After debating it for another hour or so, Dan succumbed to sleep, ultimately deciding escape (both physical and metaphorical) was necessary.

~~~~

“What are you reading?” Dan asked Phil one morning just after breakfast.

“‘What’s it Like?’ by Emily Myers. It’s a fiction book about what the world would be like without the system,” Phil explained, looking up from his book.

“They have that here?” Dan questioned, surprised the camp would let them read books like that.

“Well it is fiction. But, as long as you don’t tell anyone, I didn’t exactly get it from the library.” Phil revealed, smiling to Dan. Dan liked his smile, it was warm and kind, the way smiles should be.

“Where’d you get it from then?” Pj joined in, getting curious about Phil’s illegal side.

“I snuck it in my bag when I was packing for my first camp. It’s my favorite book and I didn’t want to go without it,” he explained, placing the bookmark on the page he was reading and closing the book.

“If you don’t mind saying, what camp were you at before this one?”

“It wasn’t a normal camp, per say. It was a child rehabilitation one. I was taken from my parents when I was nine, this is the only thing I have left of them. They gave it to me for my ninth birthday, two days before I’d never see them again,” Phil explained solemnly. His voice grew sadder as he spoke more about his past.

“Sorry,” Dan said quietly.

“No, it’s fine. I’ve gotten over it.”

“What was the child camp like?” Dan blurted before he got the chance to stop himself. “I’m sorry! You don’t have to answer that.”

“It’s okay. Imagine a school camp. Lots of yummy junk food, friends, daily activities. Honestly, it’s great that the camps are so positive for kids, aside from their backwards message. The only part I didn’t like was the therapy and appointment. Once every two weeks, we had to have a two hour session with a psychologist who basically taught us everything our parents did wrong and everything we should do. Turns out being in the child camps doesn’t stop toxicity, whatever that means,” Phil vented angrily.

Dan looked over to Pj as if silently asking ‘should we tell him?’ There mental sync was incredible as Pj nodded in agreement. Telling Phil was risky, of course. They’d only known each other for a week and a half but from the sounds of it, Phil disapproved of the system.

“Fuck the system and it’s fucked up beliefs. It doesn’t work and we’re just stuck here, hoping some fake test will fuck up and tell us we’re cured. Though we all know I’m not going anywhere,” Dan began aggressively, trying to ease Phil into the idea but failing to keep calm.

“It’s horrible. No system can change who we are,” Phil agreed.

“The day after you arrived, we had a plan,” Pj added, waiting for a response before continuing.

“A plan?” Phil prompted.

“A plan. To escape,” He said in two parts. Dan looked to Phil with worried eyes, scared Phil would call security.

“Oh,” was all Phil said. From that alone, neither Dan nor Pj could tell if he was opposed to the idea.

“We have everything planned out and still plan to leave. We’re wondering if you wanted to come with us?”

“You plan to escape,” Phil said, processing what he’d learnt. “And you want me to come with you?”

“Yes. You can say no but if you do, please don’t tell the guards,” Pj requested.

“Why would I say no?” Phil asked, smiling widely as he looked from Dan to Pj and back.

“Great! So, the plan is to leave one night and travel down to Brighton. From there, we fly to Ireland and live our lives in freedom,” Dan explained in summary. There were a lot more factors but that was the basic idea.

“Sounds amazing. I’d gladly never see this place again. What day?”

“Maybe... Tuesday?” Pj offered, thinking about their schedules.

“That works,” the two other boys said in sync.

~~~~

There was a community meeting tonight. The meetings weren’t really for the community but that’s what they were called. The meetings consisted of issues about the camp being raised and a discussion on how to fix it. It wasn’t mandatory though most people liked to attend so they knew what was going on. Occasionally they’d share some important news about the world but that was only if it was critical for them to know.

“Everyone, take a seat please,” one of the staff members spoke. He was a tall, lanky man who had a bodyguard protecting him in case anything got out of hand. Everyone quieted down and watched patiently for the meeting to begin. Phil, Pj and Dan had made sure they all attended in case of any news that would affect their plans.

“The first order of business,” he began, checking his clipboard for the first subject. “Testing. Okay, some of you may know but the testing system will be changing slightly over the next few weeks. Research was done and the results have been published, telling us a more effective method of testing. From now on, when you have a test, physical and mental scanning will take place. You’re doctors can talk you through it when you have your next test,” he explained.

“Next is... activities. A few of you have been complaining about the lack of activities during free time. We have adapted the regime many times to make sure everyone is happy but sometimes feedback is necessary. Does anyone have any specific requests of what could be added for free time?” he asked. A few hands were raised around the group. “You, in the second row,” he said, pointing to a young girl no more than fifteen years old.

“Can we get more books? Or possibly a tv in a common area?” she asked shyly, as if she wasn’t sure she’d get in trouble for speaking up.

“We can definitely add to our book collection but I’ll have to check about the tv. It’s not likely though so don’t get your hopes up. Anyone else?” A few hands went up again and the man pointed to one, giving them permission to speak.

“Could we get a pool table or two? Maybe a foosball table,” he suggested. Around the group, five or six nodded in agreement.

“I’ll look into it.”

This continued for a few more minutes before the next topic was raised.

~~~~

Nothing was gained from going to the meetings.

“That was a bust,” Phil announced, removing his t-shirt before heading for a shower. Dinner was in half an hour and he wanted a quick freshen up before hand.

“Yeah, but at least there weren't any changes to security or anything that affects us,” Dan agreed, looking away from Phil to give his some privacy.

“Wait, where’s Pj? I thought he was right behind us,” Phil asked, noticing Pj was indeed not in the room.

“Dinner duty,” Dan said simply. “So, two days. You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” he said cheerily, ending the conversation as he walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope your enjoying it. If you want to request/prompt/ask anything, check my tumblr: https://fadingcrystalvoid.tumblr.com/
> 
> Let me know what you think so far. Next chapter will be our Friday.


	6. Chapter 6

_ Five years ago... _

_ Monday. _

“Everyone, settle down. We’ve got a heavy topic to cover this week,” the biology teacher, Mr Burmer, began, standing from his desk at the front of the classroom. Once everyone was quiet, and only a few whispering conversations persisted, he continued. “We’re discussing toxicities and how they differ from the average human this week. There will be a pop quiz next week on everything we learn so pay attention.”

Dan internally groaned at the prospect of a quiz. Thirteen (well, almost) year old boys weren’t the most welcoming to homework but Dan tried to remain focussed and at least mildly interested in his studies.

~~~~

_ Tuesday. _

“Since yesterday was a quick overview of the topics we’re learning this week, I’m sure you all know what today’s lesson will be about. In case you’ve forgotten, we’re covering religion first. The first common misconception about R-Toxics is that only one religious belief is considered non-toxic. This, however, isn’t true. While Christianity is the most common, Islamic and Buddhist beliefs are accepted as well. Non-religious people are even considered normal within society and is not a form of toxicity. With that being said, while not sending you to a camp, not following christianity will cause large hardships for yourself. Does anyone know the percent of population within religious camps?” Mr Burmer questioned.

“Two per cent, sir; the lowest of all camps,” a girl spoke up from the front of her classroom. If Dan remembered correctly, her name was Amanda and she was an incredibly stuck-up rich girl.

“Thank you,” he said, before moving on. Amanda, aside from being ridiculously rich, also played the role of teacher’s pet to basically all the faculty at their high school.

~~~~

_ Wednesday _

“Today’s topic is mental health. While the highest level of population are within these camps, they also give the highest success rate per thousand participants. Seventeen percent of the world are within one of the many MI-Camps, with an eighty-seven percent success rate. Scientists have tried to understand why it’s higher than all the others but no exact reason has been found. Either way, the majority of MI-Toxics are cured and returned to society to live a happy, normal life.”

Dan was working quietly on his worksheet that had been handed out. The task was to cut out words and stick them under the correct toxicity label. He was mostly finished when he’d got caught on a word he didn’t know; polyamory. To Dan, the word could fit in any category; he had no idea what it meant. Dan grabbed the dictionary out of his backpack (yes, he carried a dictionary in his bag) but the word wasn’t in it.

Dan huffed in annoyance, trying to think of ways to learn the word’s meaning to put it in its place. He’d learnt ‘poly-’ meant many or more, but that didn’t help. Dan decided to skip it and the rest of the words were placed correctly, waiting for the last one until the answers were given.

“Is there any that people are stuck on?” Mr Burmer asked from the front of the room. Dan debated asking for assistance but when no one else put their hands up, he didn’t either. He was too proud to ask for help when no one else needed it. “Okay. The bell is about to go so for homework, I want you to write half a page on mental health for tomorrow’s lesson.” The bell sounded and Dan began to pack his belongings. He made a mental note to google ‘polyamory’ because he hated not knowing the meanings of words.

~~~~

_ Thursday _

“Gender. Something we’re assigned at birth. Female or male, girl or boy. Some people believe there are more than these but, scientifically, there are two genders. Some people believe they are the opposite gender while some don’t think their either. As you all know, women and men are the only two genders to exist and everyone else is just confused. We send them to camps to prevent society from their toxicity but also to rehabilitate them so they can learn that they’re just confused and that they are either a girl or boy based on their genitals.” Some kids snickered at the mention of genitals, while Dan just rolled his eyes at their immaturity.

“It’s not something that is controlled or changed based on beliefs and this is why they need help. They think they can be another gender to what they are but they can’t. You’re stuck with what you’ve got and if you want something else, you need to talk to an adult so we can get you help,” he explained during Thursday’s biology lesson.

Another sheet was handed out and Dan completed it with ease. Once he got home, he shared what he did with his mother and father who were skeptical of what his school was teaching him.

“Bear, we need you to know what the school is telling you is wrong. Gender identity is a real thing and it shouldn’t be locked away or hidden. Same with religion and mental health. There is nothing wrong with it. From the sounds of it, tomorrow you’ll be discussing sexuality and before you go into that lesson, you have to understand their is nothing wrong with liking other boys, or anyone. You can like whoever you like and we will love you regardless,” his mother explained. 

Dan already knew this, he’d been raised to believe this. However, now he was beginning to question what was right because his school and parents were telling his opposite things. Who is he supposed to believe in that situation?

~~~~

_ Friday. _

“This is a list of sexualities in our society. Next to them, I’d like you two write what you think they mean,” Mr Burmer said as he handed a sheet to each student. Dan knew this would be easy. The night before he’d researched different sexualities in preparation for this lesson.

After finishing the sheet, Mr Burmer went into a little more detail about each sexuality and why it’s considered toxic. The topic of sexual interactions was touched upon - much to the young boys humour - but not too much as it was a lesson on sexuality and not sex ed.

At the end of the lesson, Dan looked around the entire classroom, revealing twenty-something disgusted faces. Throughout the hour, a pit had formed in Dan’s stomach as the teacher explained everything. It sounded like Dan. Of course, even if he’d never admit it out loud, he’d never been attracted to girls. He’d had a name ready in case someone asked but it was always going to be a lie. On the other hand, he’d never had a crush on any guys either.

Maybe he was, what's it called, asexual? Yeah, asexual. Definition: a person who is not interested in or does not desire sexual activity, either within or outside of a relationship. Maybe that fit Dan’s feelings? He wasn’t sure, he’d never thought about sex. Though, he was only thirteen (twelve) after all. Even if he was almost a teen, sex wasn’t exactly a topic to be thought about just yet.

Everyone in the room was staring straight forward, avoiding eye contact with anyone in the room. Well, everyone but one. On the other side of the room, next to the large window, was a tall boy who had his head resting on his hands. He was staring right at Dan and when he unfortunately made eye contact, the boy winked. Why the fuck was he winking?!

Dan felt a blush rise on his cheeks and he looked away, shocked at how his body reacted to such a simple, yet suggestive, gesture.

“Hey, danny-boy,” the boy greeted after class. Dan was at his locker, changing his books out before heading to lunch. He wanted to gag at the nickname but restrained himself, opting to hug his books to his chest and stepping slightly away from the boy who was way too close.

“Do you want something?” Dan asked stupidly. Of course the boy wanted something, and Dan was pretty sure he knew what.

“I just wanted to hang out,” he said flirtatiously. Dan briefly questioned how this boy could make everything sensual but decided to ignore it. Even if he wanted to, and he didn’t, he couldn’t go out with this guy.

“I-I don’t even know your name,” Dan reasoned, cringing at the stutter. This boy didn’t need to know how nervous he really was.

“My name’s Jacob but you can call me whatever you want, sweets,” he said, clearly hinting Dan was supposed to give him a pet name like he’d just done.

“Well,  _ Jacob _ , I’d rather not hang out. I’ve got plans,” Dan said as confidently as he could. Chances were, if Jacob knew his name, he also knew Dan sat alone at lunch. Despite this, Dan hoped he didn’t know so he could spend his lunches as normal; in the back of a classroom reading.

“All you do at lunch is read. Come hang with me instead,” he requested in a way that was not a choice. Dan swallowed and shook his head. Jacob moved closer to him, one arm on each side of Dan, and he was now pinned to the lockers, hugging his books for dear life. He watched Jacob with wide eyes as a kiss was planted to his cheek.  _ At least it wasn’t my lips. _ Dan thought. “Come on,” he persuaded. Dan resigned himself, realising the boy wasn’t taking ‘no’ for an answer.

“Mr Hoffman!” a teacher bellowed, pulling him from Dan’s shaking form. When had he started shaking? While a teacher held Jacob back, another came to whisk Dan away.

“Are you okay?” she asked, extremely concerned.

“Y-yeah,” he stuttered out.

“What’s your name?” she asked, resting her hand on Dan’s shoulder.

“Dan. Dan Howell,” he replied, getting control of his body back.

“Well, Dan, let’s go to the office. We can call your parents from there.”

“Okay, thanks,” he said quietly, beginning to follow the lady to the office. On his way there he’d passed the front doors to the school and he peeked outside. The boy, Jacob, was being placed into the back of a paddy wagon against his will and Dan knew what it meant. They were taking him for testing and, if positive results, a camp.

~~~~

“Dan, what happened today in school?” his mother questioned once they stepped into the confines that was their home.

“They-they didn’t tell you?” Dan replied, confused why the school didn’t explain on the phone.

“No, they just said to come pick you up as you needed the rest of the day off. You’re not feeling sick are you?” she fussed, moving the two of them to sit on the lounge.

“I- um,” he began, unsure how to explain what happened. Where does he even start? The lesson? Him asking Dan to ‘hang out’? “We were discussing sexualities in class and at the end of the lesson, I’d made eye contact with a boy who winked at me.” Dan decided on a halt-truth, leaving out the part of him blushing. It wasn’t that he was scared his parents wouldn’t approve, he just wasn’t sure what had happened himself. “After class, I was standing at my locker and he started pressuring me to hang out. I said no but when I did he pinned me against the locker and kissed-kissed my cheek. Right when I’d given up arguing, a teacher saw and got him off me. Another teacher took me to the office and I saw Jacob being taken away for testing.”

“Bear, that was assault,” she told him, using his nickname to soften the blow. She moved in for a hug but Dan pulled away, trying to ignore the hurt expression on her face.

“What? No it wasn’t,” Dan argued, disbelieving.

“Yes, it was. And it’s not okay. It’s good a teacher saw and got him off you.”

“What?” Dan yelled, standing up from the couch. “You always told me and-and Jamie that it’s okay. And now you're saying it’s not. I may not have wanted it but just because he likes guys doesn’t mean he should be locked up!” Before Dan’s mother got a chance to explain, Dan stormed away to his room, shutting the door firmly behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're all enjoying it so far! Let me know what you think so far. Contact me on tumblr (same username and icon)! I'm always happy to answer any questions, prompts, etc.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half way! There will be fourteen chapters to this story and once it's finished, I will begin posting my next phanfic.

“Ready?” Pj whispered into their room. The three of them had their small backpacks on with the few belongings they’d gathered.

“Yep.”

“Mhm.”

“Then let's go.” Pj led them out of the room, down the stairs and towards the gate. While the gate was guarded, it was the easiest method of escape so they went with it. As they approached, another guard arrived at the gate and the three of them hid behind the concrete wall of the exit.

“There’s been a breach in the wall,” the approaching guard announced. Phil, Pj and Dan exchanged worried looks, thinking they’d already been caught escaping.

“Where at?” the other guard asked.

“North side. We need guards out on patrol, can you help?”

“If I’m needed.” The guard followed the other and they headed in the opposite direction of the gate.

Dan, Phil and Pj knew from observations that the gate was now completely unguarded. Kinda idiotic of the guards to do that, especially if it was because of a breach.

Either way, they began to sneak around the wall and through the gate. There was a slight struggle opening the heavy door but, with three people’s body weight pressed against it, it moved.

After closing the door, they began to walk slowly, careful to avoid security’s watchful eye. They walked about one hundred meters before entering a dense forest.

It was already eleven o’clock at night and they were all exhausted but they couldn’t stop yet. They all pushed forward, knowing the further they got that night, the less chance there was of getting caught.

“Should have taken another nap,” Phil joked after stifling a yawn.

“Me too,” Dan agreed before they all fell silent. Talking was energy and they didn’t have any to waste on things other than walking.

~~~~

“Dan. Dan, wake up,” Pj called, lightly shaking Dan awake.

As Dan sat up, he registered what was going on. “What’s wrong? Is someone here?” Dan questioned quietly in case someone really was there.

“No, but I’m starting to fall asleep. Can we swap?” Pj questioned, equally as quiet.

“Oh, right. Sure.” Dan watched as Pj lay down and closed his eyes.

Dan’s still sleepy eyes scanned the forest. It was a perfect silence but whenever a branch snapped or an owl hooted, Dan’s heart rate soared. He was so on edge and for good reason.

As the sun began to rise, Dan stood to gather some breakfast. He had no idea what was edible out there but he’d hoped something would be found. He located a few bushes of what looked like raspberries. Dan hoped they were. He folded his shirt up and began to fill the created pocket with berries.

He’d walked back and slowly became visible to Pj and Phil. When they noticed, Pj bolted at Dan and encased him in a bear hug.

“Morning,” Dan greeted, hugging back with one arm while the other protected their hopefully non-poisonous breakfast.

“I thought something had eaten you. Phil and I woke up and you were missing. Don’t do that again,” Pj fussed before noticing Dan had food. “What are those?” Phil moved over to inspect the gathered berries as well.

“Breakfast,” Dan supplied, sitting down with their few belongings.

“Are you sure they aren’t poisonous?” Phil questioned, taking a berry and examining it.

“I don’t think so. At least I hope not,” Dan answered, mumbling the second sentence so no one could hear.

“There’s a stream down there,” Pj explained, pointing down a slight hill. “We can get some water there. The waters flowing so it’s safe to drink.”

~~~~

After breakfast and water, they were on their way yet again.

“Do you think they’ve noticed we’ve gone yet?” Phil questioned. They were all a lot more alert and happy now that they’d slept and eaten.

“Maybe. I think we’ve got about seven hours to walk today. Let’s try and walk a bit faster so we get there quicker,” Dan advised. They all picked up their pace a little.

~~~~

“Here we are,” Pj breathed, smiling. They were at the edge of the forest and the centre they were going to was about three hundred meters away. The most dangerous part of their journey was about to begin. The camp would surely know they’ve escaped by now, and they'd have no cover. The chances of getting caught there were high but the three tried to be optimistic.

“Let’s go,” Phil agreed, beginning to walk. The other two followed behind and they were on their way.

They were walking through side streets, getting closer to the building when two vehicles pulled up behind them. Dan, Phil and Pj spun to see eight or so security guards, two with guns.

Without thinking, they all began to run towards the centre. All they had to do was get inside and they’d be safe. All they had to was-

_Bang!_

Everything happened in slow motion. Dan, Pj and Phil running. The gun being fired at them. Pj falling- Wait! Pj’s falling. Pj’s falling! He’s on the ground and there’s blood! So much blood. Dan scooted to a stop and tried to help Pj up, not being helped by the fact Pj had been shot in the leg.

“Dan, go,” Pj requested kindly through gritted teeth. He was clearly in pain. If they got to the centre, he could get helped.

“Come on,” Dan continued to try and help him up, tears of fear pricking in his eyes and falling. Dan quickly glanced to Phil and then the security running at them.

Pj grasped his leg in a desperate attempt to stop the bleeding. “Dan, go!” Pj shouted. Dan was struck still with fear. On the one hand, he didn’t want to leave Pj but on the other, he knew it was either him or all of them going back to camp. Dan chose to risk going back. He continued to try and lug Pj with them. “Phil, please. Take him,” Pj begged.

Phil came forward and grabbed Dan’s hand, beginning to pull him away and whispering a ‘sorry’ to Pj. Dan, still refusing to give up, clung tighter to Pj. The security were only ten meters away now.

Forty metres.

Phil picked Dan up at the waist and started lugging him away from Pj. Dan was a kicking, screaming mess as he was taken away from his best friend. Pj whispered a quiet, “Thank you, Dan. Thanks for everything.”

Thirty metres.

Dan watched from Phil’s shoulder as Pj was dragged towards a paddy wagon while four other people ran at them.

Twenty metres.

Dan’s kicking ceased as he gave up. Pj was gone. Dan was upset. Phil was running. Guards were chasing.

Ten metres.

A lady appeared at the door to the centre. She was holding the door open. She must have seen what was going on and was helping out.

One metre.

Phil runs into the building with a still crying Dan under his arm. The lady behind them closes the door and bangs sound through the building.

Phil collapses onto the floor from exhaustion and Dan begins to calm as he realised they’d made it.

“Pj, Phil. We made it!” Dan cheers, looking around before remembering the events that took place.

Pj was shot. Phil dragged Dan away from him and to safety. Rage filled Dan and he began to cry more tears, angry tears this time.

“Phil! How could you!?” he cried, lightly hitting Phil’s chest. He would have hit harder but all his energy was drained from the emotion and running. Phil was still collapsed on the ground, though he had rolled over onto his back.

The lady that let them into the building pulled Dan off Phil even though there was no real risk of danger. Dan was too weak, barely put up a fight.

“Get these boys in the medical ward stat. We need to run a basic check-up,” she yelled. Dan’s eyes were blurred with tears but he watched as people came to pick up Phil and him bridal style. It wasn’t like how Pj had been handled. This was comforting, sweet.

Dan, without realising it, snuggled into the stranger's chest and they chucked, not seeming to mind that a strange boy was hugging him.

“You’re a cuddly one aren't you?” they asked rhetorically, smiling.

~~~~

Dan was emotionless. He’d had too many emotions lately but it was better than no emotion. He never smiled, never cried. He was constantly stoic which caused concern to everyone at the centre, especially Phil. Dan thought back to just after he and Phil had been brought in and helped.

_“Dan, we made it,” Phil said, trying to sound happy._

_Dan nodded in response._

_“I’m sorry we couldn’t save Peej,” he whispered sadly. Though it wasn’t his fault, Dan very much blamed Phil. And he couldn’t help it. Pj was one of his first real friends and now he was gone, back at camp, all alone since Phil was with Dan._

_Dan nodded again. A lady came up from behind Dan and informed them dinner was ready if they wanted it. Phil accepted the offer for both of them as happily as he could._

_“Dan, are you okay?” Phil asked as they sat at dinner. Dan shrugged in reply._

_“Can you talk to me please or at least look at me?” he requested. Dan looked up and kept solid eye contact for ten seconds before looking away again. He shrugged to answer the speaking part._

A man walked into the room Dan and Phil had been given. “Do you need anything?” he asked. Phil shook his head and looked to Dan who didn’t reply. He just rolled over onto his back and slept.

~~~~

“Dan, you should wake up,” Phil called, poking Dan’s shoulder. Dinner was an hour ago and the two of them were seated on the couch in the relaxation room.

Dan slowly blinked open his eyes and looked to Phil, waiting for an explanation. “Look at this,” he said, pointing to the tv.

“Two days ago, on June 3rd, three toxics from Camp S369 escaped. Their names were Daniel Howell, Philip Lester and Pj Liguori. They travelled from their camp, fifteen hours to Brighton. Yesterday at midday they arrived in Brighton where toxic rehabilitation unit members met them and tried to convince them to return.

“The three toxics ran from the security so desperate measures were taken, including one of them, Liguori, being shot. Lester and Howell successfully made it to a safe haven while Liguori was rushed to A&E.”

Phil and Dan exchanged worried looks. Both of them subconsciously crossed every part of their body that could and even prayed to gods they didn’t believe in that Pj was safe.

“Liguori was in critical condition when he arrived at the closest A&E and he was immediately rushed into surgery. The procedure went smoothly and the bullet was removed.” Dan and Phil let out the breaths they were holding only to have them caught again by the next words the presenter read next.

“However, despite everything going well, Liguori’s heart rate soared and then flattened entirely. At eleven fifty-two this morning, Pj Liguori passed away. We wish his family and friends the best and that they know our support is with them. The doctors have ruled his death as cardiac arrest and say there was nothing that could have been done to save him. We have the attending surg-”

The tv was switched off by Phil who had somehow stood without Dan realising.

“Wha-?” Dan asked, confused as to why the TV was turned off before the end of the broadcast.

“You’re crying,” Phil observed, moving back to the couch. Dan’s hand moved up to his cheek, collecting moisture. He was, in fact, crying. When did that happen?

“He was my best friend,” he offered in an attempt at explanation. Phil sat on the couch and pulled him in for a hug. Dan, while still slightly angry at Phil, was now more upset at the loss. Dan clung onto Phil and his shirt quickly became soaked.

“Shh, shh. It’s okay; you’re okay,” Phil comforted, not caring much that his t-shirt was being soaked.

“But he’s not,” Dan argued, still sobbing. They stayed like that for at least a half hour before Dan’s body gave way to sleep.

~~~~

When he woke up, his head was resting on Phil’s chest who was lying against a pillow, reading a book. When Dan stirred, Phil raised the book above his head to look at Dan.

“Hey sleepyhead,” he greeted. Dan, not quite ready to wake up and still delirious in his half asleep state, snuggled back into Phil chest and he chuckled. “Ok, goodnight then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry... Hope you're all enjoying it so far. Let me know what you think so far and what you think is going to happen.


	8. Chapter 8

_ Five years ago... _

_ Your results are in! _

_ Mental Health: Positive (64.3%) _

_ Sexuality: Positive (88.1%) _

_ Gender: Negative (13.5%) _

_ Religion: Negative (6.9%) _

_ Thank you for completing this test. If your results are positive, we urge you to inform your local officials so you can be helped. _

Dan read over the results three times. They didn’t change. He hoped they would but they didn’t. Dan really didn’t want to believe his results but they were rarely incorrect. Of course, they could be, but it wasn’t likely so he didn’t get his hopes up.

Dan leaned back his his chair, sighing. After he’d calmed down from his and his mother’s conversation, he decided he needed answers. Unfortunately, they weren’t exactly what he was hoping for. After blushing from Jacob’s wink, his first thoughts weren’t what he wanted. However, the results weren’t lying. Though he didn’t want to admit it, he was starting to be convinced he wasn’t strictly hetrosexual.

He could remember it clearly, even though he’d refused to admit it up until now. It had been in year two, seven years old. Towards the end of the year, a boy in his class asked another girl out. Being seven, she agreed, instantly saying they’d be together forever.

Dan wasn’t sure why at the time, but he’d felt a little angry whenever he’d seen them holding hands. Now, Dan was allowing himself to think it might have been jealousy. This had happened another time, about a year ago, in year five just before his twelfth birthday.

Now, that he’d learnt about all the toxicities and lost his brother to the system, he knew a lot more. And with his new results, he allowed himself to acknowledge the thought that he could be gay or bi or whatever.

Dan decided to do what he always did when he was confused; study. Usually he’d do school work but there was a very specific type of research he wanted to do. Leaning forward to his keyboard, he typed ‘the system’ into google.

_ The System - Wikipedia _

_ Political Activist Group Threatens Government’s Control - BBC News _

_ History Of The System - Wikipedia _

_ Survivors - The Stories Of Toxics And Repellers _

Dan selected the first link, needing to start somewhere. 

_ The system is the  _ _ beliefs _ _ and  _ _ culture _ _ , i.e. the structure, our world is founded upon _ _ [1] _ _. Simply, it is  _ _ society _ _ ’s way of helping  _ _ toxics _ _ and  _ _ rehabilitating _ _ them. The main and only form of rehabilitation that exists currently is that of  _ _ camps _ _ [2] _ _. _

Dan scrolled down a little, finding more information.

_ There are four camp types for the four types of  _ _ toxicity _ _ ;  _ _ mental health _ _ ,  _ gender identity _ ,  _ _ sexuality _ _ and  _ _ religion _ _. Other camps used to exist but have since been removed or adapted to one of the four _ _ [13] _ _. _

Dan wanted new information. He knew all this already. When he read the heading ‘Repellers’, he settled in. School avoided the topic at all costs, probably afraid of the children repelling as well.

_ A Repeller is an individual who actively protests the system. Disapproving the system is not enough to be classed as a repeller. Repeller actively protest against the system. Most repellers live within one of the few  _ _ repeller countries _ _ ; Ireland, New Zealand, Italy or Mexico _ _ [19] _ _. Small, repeller communities exist but are usually shut down by the country's  _ _ government _ _ [20] _ _. _

_ While most repellers aren’t toxics, around eighteen per cent are. These eighteen per cents either fled their home country before being discovered or have escaped from a camp. The repeller population within camps in unknown. Only two known repellers have actually been “cured” within camps and were released that way. Multiple studies say that simply believing in the system will increase the chance of being cured _ _ [28] _ _. _

There was a knock at the door and Dan closed the tab. He wasn’t exactly keen on his parents seeing his researching habits and questioning him on it.

“Come in,” he called one the tab was closed.

“Bear, your father’s brought a cake home for you. I know you didn’t want a party but you at least need a birthday cake. Freshen up, come down and we’ll have cake,” his mother instructed warmly. Her voice was always warm and comforting, like you would expect a mother's voice to be.

“Sure thing, Mum. Thanks.” She nodded and closed the door behind her as she went back downstairs. Dan stood and walked to the bathroom, splashing water on his face to freshen up and headed downstairs. He was greeted by his father lighting the candles atop the cake and his mother getting plates.

“Dan, hi. How was your day?” his father asked, finishing off the candles.

“Alright,” he said, not mentioning that he’d come home early after the events with Jacob. Boy had it been an eventful day. Chances were, his mum had already called him and told him what happened, maybe not though. If he did know, he was acting like he didn’t, and Dan was appreciative of that.

“Here we go, birthday boy!” his mother exclaimed, placing a ‘birthday boy’ party had on his head as a joke. Dan readjusted it as he moved over to be in front of the cake. It was a standard cake. Vanilla with cream and strawberries on top. There were thirteen lit candles on top, ready for Dan to blow out. “Ready?” she asked her husband.

“Happy birthday to you,” he began to sing, Dan’s mother joining in. Dan stood in front of the cake, blushing and looking anywhere but at his parents.

“-to you,” his parents finished before his dad continued. “Hip hip,” he started, his mother ending with ‘hooray’. Dan inwardly cringed at how poor his birthdays were. Usually Dan’s brother never failed to lighten the mood but Dan was forced to get used to birthdays without his jokes, even if they were terrible.

Dan blew out his candles and his mother handed him the knife to make the first cut. After, his mother cut three slices and handed them out. They moved to the lounge room and started Dan’s favorite movie: ‘Winnie the Pooh’.

When the credits started rolling, Dan excused himself to his room and his parents started some other show. He sat himself at his computer again and went onto the ‘History Of The System - Wikipedia’ article.

_ 15th February 1789 - The system was founded in the U.S.A, signed by the president. The signed document agreed to build four camps across the U.S.A _ _ [7] _ _. _

_ June 1789 - The first four camps were finished being built and laws were passed, legalising people to be placed in them. Within the first week, over one thousand people requested help for their toxicity _ _ [8] _ _. _

Dan skipped a bit ahead, stopping when a large paragraph intrigued him.

_ November 1845 - January 1847 - The Repulsion. In just over a year, the system was badly damaged due to a high level of repellers. Four thousand, one hundred and eighty-nine casualties worldwide were recorded and more than eight thousand people were hospitalised. Repellers and ordinaries went head to head in wars across the globe. Toxics were split equally but most sided with the ordinaries, much to everyone’s surprise. Camps were shut down and toxics were used as weapons. Toxics, believed to be infectious, were used to harm the repellers and make them eligible to be locked up _ _ [18] _ _. For more information, visit ‘ _ _ The Repulsion _ _ ’ wikipedia article. _

_ February 1846 - Camps were reconstructed and repellers (and ‘The Repulsion’) were officially given their title. Toxics were placed back in camp and security became a lot stricter _ _ [19] _ _. _

_ April 1848 - King Franklim of England passed a law allowing violent repellers to be sent to prison _ _ [20] _ _. This law is changed in 1937 to allow imprisonment of all repellers _ _ [21] _ _. _

_ January 1852 - Australia and the U.S.A. both adopted the laws against repellers. Repellers were shunned from this point on, many being locked up or made to live on the run from government officials. Almost every country adapted to these laws and the system. The system was popularised around the same time _ _ [22] _ _. _

_ May 1864 - Repeller country New Zealand was formed along with Ireland, Mexico and Italy. A semi-peaceful coexistence was formed between ordinaries and repellers _ _ [23] _ _. _

At this point, Dan decided he’d had enough research. As he read, he’d quickly became more and more enraged, to the point that he was tugging his hair in anger. He’d been so annoyed at the system that he hadn’t even registered his parents walking into his room. He didn’t notice till his dad hugged him from behind over the chair’s back.

“Wha-?” he started. His dad wasn’t a very touchy-feely person so a hug from him was rare.

“I’m sorry,” he said, pulling back from the hug. Dan spun his chair around so he was facing his parents who sat on the edge of his bed, making Dan roll closer to them.

“What for?” He asked stupidly.

“For you having to deal with that disgusting boy at school,” his dad said, saying ‘disgusting boy’ as if it hurt.

“I’m so confused,” Dan exclaimed, trying to remain calm but failing. “You and mum had always told me that being gay is fine and now you're saying he’s disgusting. You can believe what you want but I’m not going to listen to you; there is nothing wrong with him.”

“What? Oh, honey no. You’re misunderstanding,” his mother explained. “We weren’t saying he was disgusting because he was gay. We were saying he was disgusting because he assaulted you. He asked you to hang out and you declined so he forced himself onto you. And that’s not okay, gay or not.”

“You’re mother’s right. And just so you know, we don’t care if you’re gay, or bi, or anything else. You can be whoever you want to be,” his dad agreed, comfortingly. Even though Dan knew it was true, he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t relieved when hearing those words again. “So, what were you doing?” he then questioned, changing the subject.

“Uh, just... research,” Dan answered, turning a light shade of red. Great, his parents were probably going to think he was watching porn which he most definitely wasn’t.

“For a class or?”

“Umm, no. Just for fun.”

“You were researching the system just for fun?” his mother asked from next to his computer. When had she moved over there?

“I, um, yeah?” he mumbled, hating how nervous he sounded. And his parents must have picked up on it since they didn’t leave. Instead, his mother sat back on the bed.

“Dan, bear, you know if there’s ever anything you want to-” his mother began, getting cut off.

“I know. And there’s not,” Dan said as confidently as he could. Dan’s mother and father exchanged disbelieving looks and then turned back to Dan who decided to just tell them rather than make up a detailed lie. “Fine,” he grunted. “I was researching the system because I think I might be gay,” he said quietly. His parents exchanged more looks. “I said maybe. I’m not sure,” he confirmed.

“Dan, you can be whoever you are, you know that. But if you are gay, no one can ever know. You don’t have to marry, but no one can know, it's dangerous for even your mother and I to know. Of course we would never tell anyone but the point is, even if you’d trust them with your life, don’t risk it,” his dad explained.

“I know.”

“Do you mind if I ask what made you think you were gay?” his mother added cautiously.

“When I was in class, and Jacob winked at me,” he started, pausing to think of how to say it but ending up just spitting it out. “It made me blush.” He wasn’t looking at his parents, choosing to stare daggers into their feet.

“Dan, can you look at us?” his father asked. Dan forced his head, the blush from earlier making a reappearance. “Firstly, thank you for telling us. But just because you blushed doesn’t mean you’re gay. Of course, it doesn’t mean you're not either. Has anything else happened to make you think you might be gay?”

“I, um, I used to get jealous of a boy in my year two class. He’d hold hands with his girlfriend and every time it would make me upset,” Dan explained, his head dropping again.

“Well, it sounds like you’ve got a lot to think about. Why don’t you sleep on it, love?” his mother questioned, probably because it was also getting late.

“Will do. I love you,” he said to both his parents, the two of them returning the phrase before leaving.

“Night, bear.”

“Good night, Dan.”

“Night Mum, night Dad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're enjoying the story. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Also, King Franklim's name isn't a typo. Basically, the name Frank (and Franklin) is a joke in my friend group because of a phanfic I read that had three Franks (props if you know the story). Anyway, I needed a name so I asked one of my friends and she said 'Name him Frank. Wait, no. Franklin.' I went to say, 'Yeah. Franklin fits' but I said Franklim instead so I named him that. I don't know if you care about the story behind his name but I thought it was funny.


	9. Chapter 9

“And here are your new keys,” the landlady explained, handing two pairs of keys over, one to each of them.

“Thank you, Sarah,” Phil said, turning to walk away. Dan followed behind, still quite nervous about being in a new country, away from his parents for the first time voluntarily.

After arriving at the centre, they were brought back to health and helped exiting the country. Wanting to still be close to where they grew up, they chose Ireland. Leaving caused Dan to have a panic attack as he was so scared of getting caught. They didn’t, though. They made it to Ireland safely and now they were getting keys to their new flat.

They walked up the stairs and Phil unlocked the door, Dan following behind slowly. It was a reasonably sized place, two bedrooms, a lounge, study, kitchen and bathroom. Everything a home needed, except no furniture. There was a fridge and oven, toilets and a shower and one double bed (well, it was just a yellowing mattress) the previous owners left behind. The lounge was completely unfurnished along with one of the bedrooms and the study.

“We’ve got a lot to do,” Phil informed absolutely no one, pulling out a piece of paper to check their list.

_ Furniture. Food. Clothes. Jobs. Insurance. Government documents. _

“There’s only one bed,” Dan observed from the door to one of the bedrooms.

“We’ll have to go shopping. Let’s leave our bags here and get some things,” Phil suggested. They dropped their bags and left again. The centre had given them a card with eight thousand dollars (four thousand each) on it from charity donations and a letter for later use.

Dan and Phil walked down the street towards their closest mall, they also needed to get phones so they could contact people, mostly each other if they were ever separated. They walked into a grocery store and began to gather food, drinks and ingredients.

There next stop, Dunnes, which was apparently the Irish equivalent of Tesco. They got almost an entire wardrobe each, which wasn’t surprising since they’d left the camp with only two sets of clothing.

“Do you think this suits me?” Phil asked, holding a blue button-up to his chest. They were looking at semi-formal wear now as they’d have job interviews soon enough and government stuff to organise.

“It looks nice,” Dan confirmed. “What about this?” he questioned, holding up a black t-shirt with a white eclipse circle on it.

“Dan, we’re looking for formal wear,” Phil scolded lightly, smiling.

“Fine,” he grumbled lightheartedly, placing the shirt into their trolley. He looked back at the rack of clothing, selecting a button up with a swirly black and white pattern.

“That looks nice,” Phil commented, placing another shirt in the trolley. Dan placed his in as well and picked a second one. Then they moved on to the pants. They selected four or five everyday pants each and then a pair of suit pants. Next, underwear.

As they approached, Dan started to blush and Phil pretended not to notice. Phil grabbed two sets of three for himself and Dan randomly shoved the sets into the trolley, not wanting to spend longer there than he had to.

“You didn’t even check the size.” Phil observed, giggling at Dan’s nervousness. They were friends and yeah, buying underwear isn’t the most casual thing but Dan was overly nervous. Despite this, Phil would have been lying if he said he didn’t find it slightly cute.

Dan grabbed the underwear, checking the size and swapping one of the sets out before confidently (or as confidently as he could) marching out of the ‘underwear’ section.

Dan and Phil bought three pairs of shoes, including a pair of loafers for each. They went to the checkout and lined up behind the few groups in line.

~~~~

“Onto furniture,” Dan announced, excitedly. It was nice to be excited for a change. The camp was so dreary and boring; it felt good to be happy.

“We don’t have time,” Phil informed, checking his new phone. “Ikea will close before we get there. We’ll do it tomorrow.”

“But there’s only one bed!” Dan cried. He didn’t care that much about sharing a bed with Phil, he just wanted to get everything today since he was so excited to finally live on his own.

“Tomorrow, Dan,” with that Phil began to walk back home, arms full with bags of food, clothes and everything else they’d bought. Dan waddled beside him, trying to maintain balance with all his bags. Twenty minutes later, they were unlocking the door and moving to unpack their groceries into the fridge and cupboards. “I’ll do food. Dan, you do utensils,” Phil decided, moving towards the fridge with one of their many bags.

“Righty-o captain.” Dan grabbed a bag and started to place the cutlery into one of the draws after rinsing it under the tap and drying it with one of their new soft hand towels.

~~~~

Dan and Phil collapsed onto the ground once they’d finished, not having a couch to sit on yet. Phil checked his paper list, ticking off food and clothes. Tomorrow, they’d sort out the government documents, insurance, furniture and hopefully taking a step towards jobs.

It was around nine o’clock that night that the two decided to call it quits, having had quite an exhausting day. It had been an early start with the flight out to Ireland and then they’d got an apartment (courtesy of the centre they’d went to) and shopped till dark.

“I can sleep on the floor if you want?” Phil offered as they entered the room, remembering the one bed situation.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind,” Dan decided, lying down. “It’s not like we’ll get shouted at or anything.”

Phil nodded and joined him on the other side of the bed and they realised how out of their league they were. “We forgot pillows.”

“And blankets.” They both laughed at how poor their attempt was to get on their feet. At least they were on their own and out of a country trying to lock them up. They’d be safe where they are.

~~~~

They were sat on the kitchen benches eating breakfast when Dan received a phone call. “Umm, hello?” Dan asked into the phone.

“Hello. Is this Daniel Howell?” the gruff voice on the other side spoke.

“Y-yes,” Dan stuttered nervously. Even though they were safe in this country, it didn’t mean people in England weren’t going to try and convince them to quote unquote, ‘save themselves’.

“Oh good. I thought I might have had the wrong number. I’m calling on behalf of RTÉ One. I’m calling because we want you on our team. In other words, we’re offering you a job,” they explained. Dan choked on the cereal he’d been chewing when he heard the job offer.

“What? What is it?” Phil asked, slightly panicked.

“I’m sorry. What’s RTÉ One?” Dan asked stupidly. It wasn’t his fault he’d been locked away from society and even if he hadn’t, he knew next to nothing about Irish businesses.

“Oh, right. Sorry, I forgot you’re new to Ireland. We are a radio station, one of the most popular ones in Ireland. We’d like you to become a radio host. We’ve been looking for a while and we thought it would help get you and your boyfriend up on your feet.” They explained. Dan choked again when the person had said ‘boyfriend’. His cheeks were turning a light shade of pink but not because of the boyfriend mistake. It was because he realised people knew who he and Phil were. It wasn’t everyday new people escaped to repeller countries and it usually made the news whenever it did happen.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Dan corrected. Phil laughed, realising why Dan had choked.

“Oh, my apologies. Anyway, you would need to do an interview and a trial but are you interested in the job?” they asked, getting back on track.

“Would I be interested?” Dan asked slowly, catching up to what was going on. “Right, yes, of course.”

“Great. For an interview, when would you prefer?”

“Umm, I don’t mind.”

“How about Thursday at two? Or is that too soon?”

“No, that’s perfect. I’ll see you then.”

“Okay, well, see ya,” the voice spoke before Dan remember he had no idea where the station was.

“Wait!”

“Yes?”

“Umm, where am I going?”

“Oh, right,” they chuckled, telling Dan the address. After they said ‘goodbye’ again, he hung up, leaving Dan slightly shocked.

“Who was that?” Phil questioned. He was standing now, but not seeming too worried since Dan was calm.

“Um, RTÉ One? They’re a radio station and they want me to be a host? I’ve got an interview the day after tomorrow, at two?” Dan explained, each sentence coming out more as a question. Phil grinned and hugged Dan, though it was made a little difficult because Dan was still sitting.

“That’s incredible. Um, I wanted to talk to you about something,” Phil said, collecting himself and becoming a bit more serious.

“Shoot.”

“For my job, I was hoping to become an activist. It’s not a high paying job but there is a company that organises protests and helps people like us after they leave camps.” Phil explained slowly, allowing time for the idea to settle into Dan’s mind. “What are you thinking?”

“I think it’s a great idea. If that’s what you want to do, then do it. We’ve been under other’s control for far too long; it’s time we decided things for ourselves.”

~~~~

“I got the job!” Dan announced happily after his meeting. He was smiling widely and Phil was also grinning.

“Congrats. Me too,” Phil announced.

“Huh?” Dan asked, confused.

“I got an email five minutes ago saying I got a job as an activist. It wasn’t very difficult though, they kinda accept anyone who wants to join the protests, after a basic background check anyway,” Phil explained, laughing a little.

“That’s great. Now we both have jobs.”

“Maybe we aren’t as incompitent as we thought. I thought it would take ages to get jobs and that we’d have to ration out our money but now we already have a steady income.”

Dan jabbed his side, laughing, “Speak for yourself, I knew we’d be great!”

~~~~

“Dan, you remember how I told you part of my job is to do protests?” Phil asked about two weeks after they arrived at their new place. They were seated on their black couch in the lounge, half-watching a sitcom on the tv.

“Yeah?” Dan turned to face Phil on the couch.

“Well, one is being planned for next week. It’s out of the country though so I’ll be gone for seven days. Is that okay? I can stay if you need me here.”

“No, no. I’ll be okay on my own.”

Phil left five days later with a fully packed suitcase and an optimistic attitude. Dan was trying to be optimistic too but there was something about the idea of Phil returning to London that was unsettling him. What if the toxic rehabilitation unit recognised him and took him away? Dan had already lost Pj, he didn’t want to lose Phil too. It wasn’t likely but that didn’t stop him from worrying about it.

“I’ll be back in seven days. I’ve got my phone so you can call me whenever you want,” Phil said, trying to comfort a clearly worried Dan.

“I’ll be fine. Go,” he answered, lightly pushing Phil out the door. As he began to walk down the street, Dan yelled, “Stay safe!”

~~~~

Dan was on air when he’d heard the news. He wasn’t part of the news presenting team but the staff above him felt people listening to the entertainment channel still deserved to be informed of what was happening.

The song playing had about thirty seconds to go when the producer brought in a message. It was quite unprofessional for anyone to enter the booth during a recording so it must have been important. Dan read over the message and his breath caught right when his microphone went live.

“Um, I’ve got breaking news before the next song. A protest organised by the Protection of Toxics And Repellers Organisation has resulted in shots being fired,” he read from the sheet, trying to hold in his tears of worry. “Two people have been hit so far but guns are still drawn. The names of the shot protesters cannot be released as they are both in critical condition. The protesters are losing control of the situation, more news to come soon. Next, we have a song by Panic! At The Disco: House of Memories,” he announced, two tears sliding down his face. As the familiar song began, he wiped them away and tried to calm his breathing that had gotten faster throughout the reading. 

At the end of the song, there was more news. “There is more news from the protest. One of the men in critical condition has died while the other is now stable. Names soon to be released. Back at the protest, another five shots have been fired, hitting three more protesters. One died instantly from a shot to the-” he announced, sobbing before he finished the sentence. “I’m sorry. One died instantly from- from-” Dan tried to say it but he couldn’t. 

There were only about forty protesters there and Phil was one of them. Dan tried to stop his train of thought but all he could think about was a call saying Phil had been shot and killed. Dan pressed the touchscreen to play another song and threw his expensive headphones off which hit to console before collapsing on the ground. He was a sobbing mess by the time other staff members got to him. All he could think of was Phil. A dead Phil. A Phil he’d never get to see again.

Dan’s colleagues helped him out of the room and another member there went on air earlier than planned. Lucky she was there early.

~~~~

After Dan’s tears had stopped and he was left with a red and puffy face, he reached for his phone. He fumbled to unlock it and dial Phil’s number.

One ring. Two rings. Three rings. The phone soon went to voicemail but Dan wasn’t giving up yet. He called another four times, each causing Dan’s heart to sink more and more. After half an hour of trying to call Phil, Dan started to accept the truth. Phil could be dead, or in critical condition.

Dan was let off early and he went home, only to cry in Phil’s bed. He’d chosen Phil’s for a comfort thing; something that represented Phil through the green and blue checks of his bedspread. It was like a warm hug, something you never realise you needed until you had it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry! I hope you're enjoying the story despite the ending. Let me know what you think so far and what you think is going to happen.


	10. Chapter 10

_ Five years ago... _

To say Dan’s life didn’t change when his parents found out he was gay would be a lie. To be fair though, his parents definitely were trying. But Dan noticed whenever he entered a room they stopped whispering to each other and they seemed to be in a constant state of on edge. Though, Dan couldn’t really blame them. His parents had already lost one child to the system, the thought of losing another would be absolutely horrifying.

Sunday passed without much happening. Dan had received his first phone the day before so he spent most of the day setting it up and playing with it. His parents explained more about what would happen if Dan’s sexuality were to become public news. They were probably just trying to scare him, as if he wasn’t already petrified.

He originally debated if getting caught would result in seeing his brother again, but his mind shut that idea down pretty quickly. Not only was going to the same camp unlikely if it was for mental health, they would be at different types of camps, making the chance of seeing his brother again impossible.

Monday was when Dan’s life got worse. The few people who spoke to him ignored his existence now and the people who threw insults and light punches were now getting physical. The rumor about him and Jacob had spread like wildfire and everyone looked at Dan as if he were disgusting.

“Hey fag. Where’s your boyfriend?” Mason, one of Dan’s tormentors, asked. His three-person posse followed behind him. For thirteen year olds, they looked pretty menacing.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Dan tried to explain but the other boys were having none of it.

“Aww, look. The little homo’s trying to protect is fag boyfriend. Too bad, you’re a bit late; in case you didn’t hear, the faggot got taken away,” Liam taunted. The group snickered and Mason moved forward to shove Dan into the lockers. A blow was landed on his stomach and Dan was just thankful it wasn’t his face. A bruise on his stomach could be hidden, one on his face, not so much.

“You’re a really pathetic loser, you know that right?” Connor asked. He was the weakest of the group which is why he usually just threw words at Dan. Though that didn’t mean they hurt any less than the punches. Mason, Liam and Chase on the other hand were all quite physical. In primary school, it had just been verbal bullying but as soon as high school started, Mason and his group seemed to think they were old enough for things to get physical.

Mason threw Dan to the ground. With one more kick to the back of his thighs, they were gone. Dan knew they’d be back before lunch but for now, he hobbled off to homeroom, trying not to put too much weight on his sore leg.

“Hey Dan!” Lilly called as she sat in her seat next to him. Dan flinched at first since no one had spoken to him all morning aside from his parents and tormentors. She had wavy black hair that went half way down her back. She was a pretty girl and if Dan was straight, he’d probably have a crush on her.

“Hi, Lilly,” Dan greeted in return, just to be polite.

“How was your weekend? It was your birthday, wasn’t it?”

“Um, yeah, it was. It was pretty good. How about you?”

“That’s good! Listen, my birthday’s in about three weeks and I was wondering if you wanted to come to my party?” she invited, handing him a sealed invite.

“You’re inviting me?” Dan asked cynically. Maybe she hadn’t heard the news of Friday.

“Of course,” she said, smiling.

“I’d love to go but no one else will if I do.”

“Daniel,” she began, using his full name to signify she was serious. “If my friends don’t go because I invited you, I don’t want them as friends.” She smiled and nodded to confirm what she was saying and looked towards the front of the room as the teacher entered.

Despite what a small gesture it probably was for Lilly, it meant the world to Dan. She’d always been nice to him but this was bigger than that. She’s basically said she would rather be friends with him than her other friends.

~~~~

Dan’s day passed in a blur of punches, strange looks and boring lessons. By the time he got home, his body consisted of forty per cent bluey-purple skin.

Luckily, Dan’s face had avoided physical injury aside from a small cut on his lip which could be excused easily for the cold, dry winter air.

“Bear! How was your day?” his mother called from the kitchen.

“Alright,” Dan lied. “I got invited to a party,” Dan announced, handing the invite to his mother and grabbing an apple from the fruit basket before heading back upstairs to his room.

His homework was finished within half an hour as he hadn’t been given much. 

“Dan bear, are you in there? I’m coming in,” his mother called from outside his bedroom door. He was in the process of getting undressed but he still had his boxers on so he didn’t mind his mother coming in. “Your father’s go- Oh my god!” Mrs Howell stood in the doorway with a pile of clothes, clearly shocked.

That’s when it hit (haha, get it?) Dan. He remembered that he’d previously had the shit beat out of him. Bruises covered his stomach and thighs. A few were on his arms as well. There was even a small patch on his stomach that was covered with a larger-than-normal bandage.

“Bear, what happened to you?” his mother gushed, rushing over to him after quickly placing the pile she was carrying on the bed. She held him by the shoulders to stop him running away and examined his body. This caused Dan to blush furiously. Even though he was fine being shirtless around his family, being examined by his mother was far out of his comfort zone.

Dan just shrugged her off, not wanting to talk about how his body had gotten into the state it was in. His mother removed her hands and looked really hurt which caused Dan to feel guilty. All parents just had that look. A look that made anyone feel horrible for how they acted. Just another perk of being a parent.

“Can I go take a shower now?” Dan asked, really wanting to get out of the room and away from his mother’s consistent gaze. She nodded, sensing his reluctance to share and he shot off towards the bathroom down the hall.

Dan welcomed the warm water that shot out of the shower head. It washed down his battered body, soothing his sore limbs, even if it stung the few tiny cuts.

  
~~~~

After dinner, Dan rushed back to his room, trying desperately to avoid his mother. It didn’t last long however, as about ten minutes after Dan shuffled into his bead, his parents walked in and sat down on either side of his bed, effectively trapping him.

“Dan,” his father began, lightly patting the blanket where Dan’s shin was. “Do you care to share with us what happened at school today?”

Dan sunk further into the bed so the heavy blanket covered his nose and mouth. He shook his head for good measure.

“Bear, it’s important to talk to us. We know you’re a teenager and you like to keep things to yourself but this seems important,” his mother cooed, trying to coax an explanation out of him. Dan subconsciously started to scratch his arm.

“I don’t want to,” Dan said sternly, trying to make it clear that he wasn’t going to talk. Dan continued to scratch his arm and soon felt warmth. He didn’t have to look to know he’s drawn blood with his short but sharp nails.

Dan’s father grabbed the blanket next to his head and pulled it down, just low enough to reveal his slightly bloody arms. His parents exchanged looks as Dan tried to pull the blanket back up.

“Dan, sweetie, we need to clean that up. Come on,” his mother coaxed, standing to allow Dan out of the bed. He reluctantly followed his parents out of the room. Once his arm was bandaged, his parents sat him down on the couch despite the late hour. Truth be told, it wasn’t that late but it was a school night so Dan was supposed to be asleep early.

“Dan, you can’t scratch your arms,” his dad began, trying to explain the situation. “I mean, you can, if they’re itchy. Just not like that. It’s a type of self-harm. Do you know what that is?”

“Deliberate injury to oneself, typically as a manifestation of a psychological or psychiatric disorder,” Dan stated, remembering the exact words from the dictionary. Sometimes having no friends and reading a dictionary for fun came in handy.

“Exactly. And you remember that’s what James did, right?” his dad continued. Dan gulped and nodded. “And he was taken away for that. You don’t want to be taken away, do you?” Dan shook his head even though the question was most likely rhetorical.

“Bear, we love you. Can you please tell us what happened today? Yesterday, you were fine but today you’re all battered and bruised,” his mother added, trying once again to get answers.

Dan, feeling guilty for causing his parents to worry this much, decided to give them basic answers. “It was just bullies. I’m fine.”

“Sweetie, you need to tell someone. And if you won’t, we can for you.”

“Please,” he begged, “Please don’t say anything. It was one day and I’m sure they won’t do it again. Just, please leave it be, I don’t want confrontation,” Dan explained honestly. He hated arguments and always avoided disputes whenever he could.

“If you say so. But if I see any more bruises I’m calling the school straight away,” she threatened kindly.

“Thanks, mum.” Dan stretched his arms up as he yawned, stressing the point he was tired.

“Why don’t you go to bed now, I’ll be up in a minute to tuck you in,” she smiled at him. Dan nodded, went upstairs and climbed into bed. It wasn’t often he got tucked in these days; it only ever happened when he was having a bad day or was feeling a bit ill, which wasn’t as often as it seemed.

~~~~

When Dan woke up in the morning, he couldn’t will himself to move. He felt heavy and didn’t see the point in getting out of bed. He just lay there silently, wondering what it would be like to never wake up again. It wasn’t something he’d ever really thought about before and it definitely wasn’t something he wanted; it was just something to think about.

When Dan’s mother came into his room twenty minutes before he’d have to leave, he barely spared her a glance. He just continued to stare at the ceiling above his bed.

“Bear, you need to get up or you’re going to be late,” she said from the doorway. Dan lay still, unmoving, aside from the slow rise and fall of his chest. “Dan, it’s time to get up.” She stepped away from the doorway and lightly shook Dan. She knew he was awake; his eyes were open.

Dan’s gaze remained on the cream coloured roof. “Dan, are you feeling okay?” Dan shook his head. He couldn’t bring himself to look at his mum, too scared of what he’d find there.

“Does this have anything to do with yesterday?” Dan shrugged. He didn’t really know why he couldn’t move. He just wanted to lay there all day and do nothing. Just the thought of getting out of bed made him want to cry.

“Do you want to stay home today?” Dan nodded. “You can stay home today if you need to. But if you do, we'll be talking about why in more detail. Are you sure you can’t go to school?” Dan cringed at the dreaded word and he nodded. Though it was a legal requirement, there was no way he was going today. “Okay, bear. How about you try and get some more sleep?” she suggested. Dan nodded despite knowing he wasn’t going to sleep again until night time. His mind was too awake by now.

His mother kissed his forehead and tucked the blankets up under his chin before exiting the room, closing the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! I always love hearing your thoughts.


	11. Chapter 11

Dan sat at home quietly. He still had no news from Phil and Dan’s mind was all but certain he was gone. He was supposed to come home yesterday as the protest ended the day before. Thing is, Phil was still nowhere to be seen.

Dan stared at the centre of the tv, not paying attention to the tennis game it was showing. Dan’s thoughts started to spread to things he hadn’t in over three years; death.

Phil was gone, and so was Pj. Dan could never see his parents again and everyone else he knew was no longer around. The thought made tears slide from his eye as he stood from the couch. He’d never done this before, never needed to. He didn’t even know how to but now that his body was making him, it was as if he’d done it a hundred times.

Walking into the study, he pulled out a pair of scissors and walked to the bathroom. Even though no one was home, he shut and locked to door for a sense of privacy. Sitting in front of the toilet, he pulled his sleeve up and held it over the toilet.

At first, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He just scratched the tip of one of the blades across his skin. After about five minutes, the scratches were red and raised. There were tiny dots of red but they were definitely not going to be bad. Dan placed the scissors beside him and ran his left hand over the raised lines. Masochistically, he was enjoying the feeling of his raised skin.

He felt a little better now that he’d experienced some of the pain that served to drown out his thoughts. Despite this, it wasn’t enough. Dan picked up the scissors again, held his arm over the toilet bowl and put blade to skin. It wasn’t working at the start. But as Dan slowly got more courage and more violent, he started to cut with greater force.

Soon, he drew blood. It was a few little bubbles, barely enough. Dan needed to see the blood drip from his arm. Now knowing how hard he had to cut, he added another, more forceful one. A tear of blood fell from the cut, stinging. Dan enjoyed the sting; it stopped his thoughts.

He added another one, two, three. Soon his right arm was covered in cuts. He transferred the blade from his left hand to the right, and added even more. After one shaky cut was added to his left arm, he realised to was really dangerous. He never used his right hand for anything but he needed more so he ignored the wobble and continued to cut up both his arms.

He stood and walked over the sink, washing the blood off his arm. He grabbed the first aid kit out of the cupboard and tended to himself. Next, he cleaned off the scissors and returned them to where they belonged. It didn’t really matter if he made everything look normal, he lived alone.

~~~~

He was seated at home yet again, scrolling aimlessly through Tumblr. Dinner was supposed to be a few hours ago but he hadn’t left the house since the news about the protest a week ago. None of the food left was going to satisfy him so he chose not to eat dinner at all.

_ Click. _

Dan perked his ears as he heard a clicking sound. Could someone be robbing him? It wasn’t that late. Dan imagined a robber would come in the early hours of the morning, not nine o’clock at night.

Dan placed his laptop on the coffee table next to him and stood. Walking to the end of the hallway to see down the stairs. His eyes welled up with tears at the sight. There, stood with his suitcase and all, was Phil Lester.

Dan dropped the phone that he’d picked up before exiting the room and ran shakily down the stairs, right into Phil’s arms.

“Hey, Dan,” he said, letting go of his suitcase to return the hug. “I missed you, too,” he joked after a solid half-minute of hugging. Phil let go of Dan and held onto his shoulders to bring him away, only now noticing the tears covering Dan’s face. “What? What’s wrong?” he gushed, pushing Dan’s fringe out of his eyes.

“I- I thought, I thought-” he tried to stop the tears but his attempts were futile. Dan couldn’t finish his sentence as he pulled Phil back in for another hug, snuggling his head into his chest and hiccupping. Dan heard Phil’s heartbeat which, for him, was the best sound he’d ever heard. It worked to confirm that Dan wasn’t hallucinating and that Phil was right in front of him.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Phil said, still having no idea what caused Dan to cry. “How about we go to the lounge?” he suggested. Dan pulled away, nodding and wiping his face.

Once in the lounge, Dan sat in the corner of the couch, legs pulled to his chest.

“I- I thought you’d died,” he said quietly after ten minutes of silence. Phil had just sat there, not pushing Dan to talk but also silently comforting him. That was another reason Phil was amazing. He never pressured people to talk about things they didn’t want to, but he didn’t let them deal with it alone either.

  
“Why?” Phil asked dumbly.

“‘Cause shots were fired. And I- I tried to call you so, so many times. You never replied,” he explained, just now starting to calm down and clear his thoughts.

“I’m sorry, Dan. My phone ran out of battery and I forgot a charger. I’m so sorry,” Phil replied, moving forward to hug him.

“I thought I’d never see you again.”

“I know, I’m so sorry. But I’m here, safe. You’re safe. We’re both safe,” Phil comforted, rubbing his hand up and down Dan’s back soothingly.

“Y- you could have died. And I never would have seen you again. I- I love you,” Dan said, now crying into Phil’s chest. As soon as the words left Dan’s mouth, he froze. Phil, however, didn’t seem fazed.

“I love you too,” he said. Though, the tone with which Phil said it was as a friend. Dan meant it as more.

“No, I love you,” Dan said again after pulling back from Phil to stare into his eyes as he said it. Phil stared back at him, not understanding. When realisation dawned on him, Dan nodded for good measure before standing and running off to his room, locking the door.

~~~~

When Dan came out of his room half an hour later, Phil was sat at the dining table with a bowl of cereal.

“I’ve missed this. They only had corn flakes for breakfast,” Phil announced as Dan entered the room. If Dan’s heart rate wasn’t so high, he’d question if he’d even told Phil earlier. His heartbeat, however, told him it definitely happened. Dan sat down in his normal chair and waited. “About what you said earlier,” Phil began as Dan stiffened in his seat. He knew what was coming; Phil would say he was disgusted and that he had to move out. “I don’t mind. In fact, I love you too.”

Dan looked up from where he was staring into the wooden table straight into Phil’s eyes. He was smiling which caused Dan to smile too.

“Really?” Dan asked, sounding hopeful. It wasn’t like Phil to lie but Dan wanted the confirmation.

“Of course, Danny-boy. Why would I lie about this?” Phil asked, dropping that nickname for the first time. Even though it was kinda cute, Dan hated the nickname and he wasn’t about to let it become a thing. ‘Danny’ is what Jacob called him and he never wanted to associate Phil with him.

“Don’t call me ‘Danny’, you spork,” Dan ordered, using his old nickname for Phil. It had only been used once or twice but the two of them still found it funny.

“Okay... Danny,” Phil replied, giggling.

“Ugh, please stop.”

“Never,” Phil challenged. Dan stood and slowly walked over to Phil side of the table. Then, quickly, he tackled him to the ground and they play fought for a few minutes. They were lying on the ground laughing when Phil quickly stood.

“I’ve gotta pee,” he announced, exiting the room. Dan just sat there laughing.

“Seriously, dude?”

~~~~

“Dan!” Phil yelled only minutes after leaving for the bathroom. He came running back into the lounge where Dan was now semi-comfortable seated on the ground with his back against the couch.

“What?” Dan asked, still slightly out of breath from their play fight.

“Did you get your period or something?” Phil asked, completely not joking. Dan stood and folded his arms behind his back, confused by Phil’s serious and slightly worried tone when asking Dan about a period that he wouldn’t get.

“What?”

“The toilet; it’s full of blood,” he announced, concern still present in his voice.

“What?! Oh, uh, I mean. I cut myself,” Dan explained, before hastily adding, “Accidentally.”

“On what?” Phil asked, now growing more concerned by Dan’s need to add ‘accidentally’ to the end. Generally cutting oneself is accidental and needing to make that clear is more than a little odd. And using the toilet instead of the sink, that was also more than a little odd.

“I, um, broke a glass,” Dan improvised, hating how guilty his voice sounded.

“Dan, have you ever wanted to hurt yourself?” Phil asked slowly, stepping closer to Dan. Dan froze as the words left Phil’s mouth and he subconsciously pulled his long sleeves down, creating sweater paws. His arms remained behind his back, his left hand holding his right wrist.

“N- no,” Dan replied, cursing silently at the stutter. Now was the one time he needed his body to do as he said.

“Are you sure?” Phil grabbed Dan’s arm just above the elbow and slowly ran down it to reach his hand, making Dan have to let go of his wrist. Phil rubbed over the skin of Dan’s hand, calming him a little. Dan was still incredibly nervous, though.

“No,” Dan answered quietly. They held eye contact until Phil looked down at the arm he was holding. Using his other hand, he slowly pulled up the sleeve and turned over his wrist.

Dan felt one tear slide down his face which he quickly wiped away with his other hand before pulling the scarred one free.

“Dan,” Phil began softly, pulling him in for a big hug. “You can’t do this to yourself. I know there’s no risk of getting taken away here but there is a risk of you hurting yourself. You  _ are _ hurting yourself.”

“That’s the point,” Dan spat out sourly, yet still allowing Phil to hold him.   
  


“I know. But that’s not okay. You can’t hurt yourself, Bear,” Phil soothed, using his childhood nickname as his mother had always done.

~~~~

When Dan went to bed, Phil went around and locked up anything that could be used to hurt himself. Even though Dan had said it was only one time, Phil wasn’t risking it. He put a spare padlock on the knife draw, moved all the pencil sharpeners and scissors into a safe and even hid the lighters for good measure.

When Dan woke up, he noticed a warm presence in his bed. He quickly realised his arm was flung over Phil and his head was resting on his still clothed chest. Dan lifted his arm slowly and rolled over to climb out of bed but was swiftly pulled back. Phil, still fast asleep and unaware, was now cuddling a still-sleepy Dan.

Dan quickly fell back asleep but when he woke up again hours later, the bed was empty. Dan climbed out of bed and pulled down his shirt a bit more. He was already wearing boxers and a loose, long-sleeve shirt but it was long enough to go half way down his thighs. That would do for Dan.

He walked into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes and noticed Phil cooking breakfast. His eyes went to the padlock on the knife draw first and then to Phil, who had now turned to look at him.

“That wasn’t necessary,” Dan said, opening the fridge to pour a glass of milk.

“I know. I’m just- removing the temptation,” Phil said, improvising. They both knew the truth but Phil didn’t want Dan feeling like he wasn’t trusted. They were silent for a few minutes while Phil poured more pancake mixture into the pan. Dan wasn’t sure where all this food had come from since when he’d checked the previous night, there was nothing. Phil must have gone out early and got a few things. “What are we doing?” Phil questioned, turning to face Dan yet again.

“Well, you’re cooking pancakes and I’m about to go piss,” Dan explained in a tone that said ‘I thought that was obvious’.

“No, I mean ‘us’. What are we?”

“I- I don’t know.”

“What do you want us to be? If you want, we can start dating. Or we can go back to friends if you want. We can forget it ever happened, too. It’s up to you.”

“It’s not entirely up to me, Phil. What you want is important to.”

“Well, I’d like to date. But only if you're happy to. I won’t be mad or anything if you don’t want to start a relationship.” Phil explained kindly. He was always so considerate of other people, just another reason Dan loved him.

“I’d like you to be my boyfriend,” Dan announced way more confidently than he felt.

“Sounds good to me,” Phil said, quickly hugging Dan before returning to the pancakes. “Can you set up Netflix for us?”

“Sure thing. I’m just gonna piss first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think so far. I hope you're enjoying it. Only three chapters to go.


	12. Chapter 12

_ Two years ago... _

In the past three years, Dan’s life had changed considerably. Firstly, he was in his last year of high school and now had a boyfriend. His boyfriend was, in all honesty, not great. Sometimes he hit Dan, or psychologically abuse him.

Dan’s parents knew about Jacob obviously but what they didn’t know was that he wasn’t the loving and caring boyfriend they’d met. He had his moments, of course; times when he told Dan how much he loved him and that they’d be together forever. That one day, when their older, they’d move to a repeller country and live happily ever after. Raise a family and grow old together.

Dan liked this side of his boyfriend, even if it wasn’t common he was like that. At the moment, they were lying on Dan’s bed, making out. Dan was trapped under Jacob since Jacob always insisted he should be above Dan since he was ‘above’ Dan. He loved to make sure Dan knew he was below him in every way.

_ “Danny, can you come here a minute?” Jacob called one night. He was lying on the couch watching a tv show while Dan was in the kitchen making dinner. _

_ “Yes?” Dan asked, poking his head through the doorway. Dan was staying at his house for the weekend, partially because his own parents were away and partially because Jacob had promised to be better. _

_ “Can you make dinner for three? I’ve got a friend coming over,” he explained, eyes remaining on the tv. _

_ “You should have told me earlier. I’ve already started-” _

_ “I don’t give a fuck. Start over again if you have to,” he ordered, yelling. Dan flinched away, knowing his boyfriend’s tone was not one to be messed with. _

_ “Of course. Is there anything in particular you want?” _

_ “Nah. Just make sure it’s good. Rose will be arriving in half an hour.” Dan nodded and left the room. _

Jacob forcefully pushed his lips against Dan’s. Even if Dan knew relationships weren’t supposed to be like this, he wasn’t going to leave Jacob. He took care of Dan.

_ “He’s hurting you,” Lilly said quietly one afternoon after school. Jacob was at soccer training so Lilly accepted the invitation to come over. Dan knew she didn’t approve of their relationship but he was too scared to leave. _

_ “Look, I know you just care about me. But when I told you I was gay and dating him, it wasn’t so you could scrutinise our relationship. I know you don’t care if I’m gay and that you're not going to hand me in, but he still could. You, my parents and him are the only people who know I’m gay. If I make him mad, who knows what he’ll do,” Dan explained, finding a particularly interesting patch of carpet to stare at. _

_ “Dan, it’s not right. He’s holding your sexuality over you. Saying that if you leave him, he’ll turn you in. Besides, he’d get sent in too.” _

_ “Not necessarily. Besides, he’s never said that exactly. It’s just a possibility. And he could always just say that I tried to come onto him. He could leave himself out of it completely. I think you're forgetting the system considers him cured so they won’t put him back in a camp unless there’s direct evidence.” _

_ “Even without that though, he’s still hitting you. Don’t think I don’t notice the bruises and cuts you're covered in every day at school. And who knows what he says to you when you’re alone with him,” Lilly continued, only being stopped when there was a click of the front door closing. _

_ “What’s she doing here?” Jacob questioned angrily from the doorway to the lounge. Practice must have ended early. Dan had been keeping a close eye on the time to avoid this exact situation. _

_ “She’s my friend. I invited her over,” Dan explained. Though he never noticed it, his demeanour changed entirely when Jacob was around. He spoke softer and acted kinder, not even throwing insults as jokes. _

_ “Well, I don’t want this slut in my house.” _

_ “First off, this is my house, not your’s. And second, she’s not a slut. You can say what you want to me but I’m not going to sit here and listen to you insult my friend,” Dan argued, now standing. He vaguely heard ‘Dan, it’s fine’ from behind him but he wasn’t listening. Jacob stalked forward and grabbed Dan’s wrist tightly. Too tightly. Dan felt his eyes water a little from the force applied to his wrist. _

_ “This bitch will get out of here right now. Or you can go too!” he yelled, releasing Dan’s hand and walking proudly out of the room towards Dan’s bedroom. _

_ “I’m so sorry,” Dan apologised, rubbing his wrist lightly. _

_ “It’s fine. Please, stay safe,” she said, kissing the top of his forehead like a mother does. “Bye,” she called, walking out the door. _

Jacob's hands found their way up Dan’s shirt. He was still fiercely kissing Dan to the point that he struggled to breathe, not helped by the fact Jacob’s hands were now pushing against Dan’s chest to hold himself up. Tears began to pool in his eyes at the pain of Jacob’s weight against his ribs.

“Eh, stop,” he said feebly when the kiss broke for a second, trying to push Jacob off him.

“Don’t even try that, Dan. We both know you like how hard I am with you. Don’t you, slut? You enjoy this,” he said aggressively before reaching their lips.

_ “Danny-boy, can I have your phone please?” Jacob asked one night. _

_ “What? Why?” Dan asked, subconsciously beginning to hug his phone to his chest. _

_ “Just to make sure you’re not doing anything you aren’t supposed to. Now hand it over,” he snapped, extending his hand towards Dan to receive his phone. Dan sighed and handed it over, leaving it unlocked and on the game he was playing. _

_ “Yes, is this Will? Thank you. I’m calling on behalf of Dan. He doesn’t want to continue contact with you any longer but didn’t want to end it himself. Your number will be blocked, and if you're smart, you’ll remove this one from your phone too. Good evening. Bye,” Jacob said, monotone. He hung up and sighed, grinning to himself. _

_ “What? What was that for?” Dan asked, as Jacob blocked the number from his phone and removed the contact number. _

_ “You two seemed awfully close. Just making sure your mine and mine alone. I’m the only one who will ever love you, Dan. I’m just trying to protect you,” Jacob explained, handing the phone back to Dan. The weird thing was, Dan believed him. Jacob had loved him for three years. Ever since they first learned properly about toxicities. _

_ “I know. I won’t talk to him again if you think he’s bad. I love you,” Dan replied, believing every word he said. _

_ “Whatever. Why don’t you head to bed, now? I’m going to finish this show and then I’ll join you.” _

Jacob broke away from the kiss when there was a knock at the front door.

“You expecting anyone?” he said, not moving from his position on top of Dan.

“No,” Jacob nodded and continued to kiss him. Dan pushed him back. “But I should go check who it is. It could be important.” Jacob sighed and moved off Dan, who stood and walked to the door after tugging his shirt back down.

When the door opened, Dan’s first thought was to run. He knew there was no point though, they’d catch up. Jacob walked out of the bedroom into the hallway and peered down the stairs, seeing three men in suits, each from the toxic rehabilitation unit.

“Um, can I help you?” Dan asked, trying to remain calm.

“Daniel James Howell?” one asked.

“Umm, yes?” Dan replied uncertainly.

“Are your parents home?” another questioned, looking around the small section of house visible from the doorway.

“No, but my friend is; he’s upstairs.” the third man spun around and spoke into a radio-like device.

“Can one of you contact Daniel James Howell’s parents?” the man requested. “Tell them to come home if they want to say farewell to their son.” He turned his head away from the radio. “What’s your friend’s name?”

“Jacob. Jacob Hoffman. Why?” Dan asked again, not getting answers the first time.

“And Jacob Hoffman’s too. But to the same house,” he said into the radio again before turning back to the group.

“Daniel Howell, we are part of the toxic rehabilitation unit. We’ve received a report of homosexual acts within this household involving you and Jacob. Do you plead guilty or innocent?” It was at that moment, Dan’s neighbour and good friend, Rachel appeared.

“What proof do you have of this?” Dan questioned, crossing his arms and standing a little taller.

“The reporter filmed you and your ‘friend’ kissing,” the officer explained. Jacob was now standing beside Dan though also slightly behind.

“And who was this reporter?”

“It was me. I didn’t want to report it but it’s for the best,” Rachel said from behind the men.

“I’m going to have to ask you to step back. We don’t want you getting intoxicated,” the first man said, guiding her back a bit.

“I’m sorry. I just want you to get better. And when you get out, we can still be friends,” she explained. Dan and Jacob exchanged looks as they remembered they forgot to close the blinds.

~~~~

Around fifteen minutes later, Dan’s parents arrived home together. Jacob’s parents weren’t going to come since they’d disowned him when they first found out he was toxic.

“Baby, will you be okay?” his mother gushed, running in for a hug as soon as she saw him.

“Please keep physical contact to a minimum,” one of the men requested, grabbing her arm and pulling her back.

“I’ll be fine, Mum. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be taken away from you. Now you’ve lost both of your kids and it’s all my fault,” Dan said sadly. His bag was already packed and ready to go but he still needed a few minutes to say goodbye.

“Bear, none of this is your fault. Don’t you dare blame yourself for any of this. I love you and we will see each other again. Stay safe,” his mother whispered, tears falling freely from her eyes.

After his father said goodbye, Dan was pushed into the back of a small paddy wagon, ready to leave for his new, unwelcoming home.

~~~~

He sat in the dark for one and a half hours. All he could do was look out the small window and watch the trees pass.

Once the paddy wagon doors opened, he was manhandled towards Camp S369. The camp registration was pretty quick and he was taken to his new room before being shown around. His roommate was nice but a little standoffish; Dan couldn’t see them becoming friends.

Either way, Dan was in a camp. Away from his parents, and most likely for a long, long time.

~~~~

Dan settled in reasonably quickly to the camp regime. It was similar to how he imagined university, though with much less freedom.

He had duties, such as dinner, laundry and cleaning. He had appointments to go to every week, for testing mostly. It wouldn’t have been too bad if he was there out of choice. Thing is, he wasn’t. He was taken forcefully from his home and shoved in this camp that couldn’t help him. Not to mention Jacob had been taken away from him as well. The men who took him made sure Jacob was sent to another camp to ‘aid with their treatment’.

Dan didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to Lilly, who he’d been friends with for years and who had stuck with him through everything, even Jacob.

~~~~

Dan had grown a particularly strong liking to the kitchen lady. She was the only one there and after dinner, Dan always made the effort to help her out since no one else ever did. Dan mostly liked her for the fact that she didn’t order him or anyone else around. She always phrased everything as a choice and she rarely argued when people refused to do as she said. That’s the reason most people trampled all over her and her kindness. They never got in trouble from her which meant they could theoretically do whatever they wanted.

His roommate wasn’t too bad and Dan slowly found that they had a little bit in common with each other. Even with this small friendship, Dan still found himself spending his free time with Gideon and Kyle. Dan refused to get close to anyone though, because that would just mean more pain. Everyone there were just temporary friends. Once one of them left the camp, they’d forget the other ever existed. That’s just how it worked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope your enjoying it! Only two chapters to go.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter (aside from an epilogue which will be up Friday)! It's been a wild ride. Glad you've taken it with me.

Dan and Phil had been happily dating for three weeks. Dan started to share Phil’s bed with him at night and a routine had been unofficially created between them.

They woke up together and lay in bed while making plans for that day. Then Dan made breakfast while Phil showered. They watched anime while eating and after, Phil would clean up while Dan showered.

Phil still checked Dan’s arms at least once a day despite Dan’s insistence that it wasn’t necessary. Everything had gone back to its home the day before but now Phil was far more cautious around him.

“Phil, I’m not going to,” Dan argued after Phil checked his arms again.

“I know, love. I know,” Phil cooed, kissing Dan’s forehead, then nose, then lips. “Now I’ve got to run. Have fun at work,” He said, exiting the lounge and jogging down the stairs.

~~~~

“Are you sure it’s okay for me to work less hours?” Dan asked his manager for the hundredth time.

“Yes. It will change your pay a little but it’s fine with me. It’s up to you, really. Can you afford to work less?” she explained.

“Thank you, and yes. Phil and I will still be able to support ourselves. I’ve got income from another place as well, though it’s not exactly a job. I do have one more question, though.”

“Shoot.”

“When protests are on; can I go with Phil?” Dan questioned, not wanting to be away from him for that long again.

“We will need notice of when they are, but I can’t see a problem with it. It could be considered excess for work so you might even get paid. I’ll have to double-check on that, though, so no promises. Now run along. You’ve still got work to do,” she said, dismissing him.

~~~~

“Phil?” Dan called from the study when he heard the front door open and close.

“Yeah?” Phil called back, probably taking off his coat.

“Can you come here for a minute?”

“One sec.”

A minute later, Phil appeared in the study and sat in the bright red armchair while Dan was sat at the desk.

“You wanted something?” Phil questioned.

“Oh, right, yes. I talked with Maria today and I’m changing jobs,” Dan said simply. He hadn’t mentioned to Phil that he wanted to protest as well but if he changed careers entirely; well, they couldn’t afford that. Dan’s job was quite well paying and he was always helping out around the place between shifts and after hours.

“What? Why?”

“I want to help protest. The only change is my hours and also that she wants me to move to a new channel their opening that will discuss the system and mostly news about it. I also asked if I could join you on protests and she said yes as long as I gave the station warning.”

“Can we afford that?” Phil questioned sensibly.

“I’ve checked and we can. I’ve halved my hours, but I’m in line for a promotion anyway. And I’ve started up something new as a hobby and it’s bringing in at least a few hundred per month.”

“And what is this hobby? Is it safe? You’re not selling your body or something are you?” Phil questioned quickly. He was clearly worried which made Dan burst out laughing.

“No, Phil. I’m not- I’m not selling myself. And it’s completely safe. I don’t even have to leave the house to do it,” Dan comforted, watching as Phil began to laugh as well.

“Do what?” Phil complained, still unaware of where their new income was coming from.

“Oh right. One second,” Dan said, swivelling his chair back towards the computer. He opened up a website and moved to the side so Phil could see. “Have you heard of youtube?”

“Yeah. What about it?”

“Well, I was thinking about how no one really knows a whole lot about the system and how it works. People know the basics but I want people to be properly informed of how terrible it is. I started making videos about a month ago. Turns out it’s quite a popular thing people want to learn about. I post them to youtube and earn some extra money from it,” Dan explained, smiling to Phil.

“That’s cool. So you want to come on protests with the organisation?” Phil continued.

“Yeah, if that’s okay with you. I just don’t want to be away from you like that again. I didn’t have any way of contacting you.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I’ll have my phone on me but of course you can join us if you want to. I’d love to have you there.”

~~~~

“Philly, I can’t decide what video to make next. People send questions to an email account I made but I can’t decide what one to use for this weeks video,” Dan complained one night, a month or two after he shared his hobby with Phil. They were sitting on the couch, both on their laptops, after dinner.

“Have you made a list?” Phil questioned.

“I’ve got a list of ones I could make or that I’d be comfortable making. Sometimes people ask personal questions but I just ignore them.” Dan turned his laptop to Phil so he could read the list.

_ Where did the terms ‘toxic’, ‘repeller’, etc come from? When did they start being used? _

_ Who founded the system and why? In history, what need was there to create the system that we now live by? Like, why was it needed? _

_ Why don’t you approve of the system personally and are you a “toxic”? If yes, how’d you know? _

_ What do you think the world would be like without the system? Is there any evidence to say what would happen? _

_ Have you been to a camp? If you have, what was it like and how were your experiences there? _

“Are you really okay with answering some of these?” Phil asked kindly.

“I guess. People want to know about the system and the people it affects. That’s what the channel is. I’ll just have to deal with it,” he explained, waving his hand back and forth nonchalantly, looking at the computer screen rather than Phil.

“Bear, can you look at me?” Dan looked up to Phil, who was now seated next to Dan, legs crossed, facing him. “Just because people ask these questions and that’s the subject matter of your channel, doesn’t mean you have to do things that make you uncomfortable. If you’d rather stick to facts and leave out personal things, do that. If you want people knowing what you’ve been through, that’s okay too. But don’t ever do something out of your comfort zone because other people want you to.”

“Okay. I- I think I want to though. I was thinking, for the camp experiences one, if you could help me? You were a big part of my camp experience and how we ended up here so it’s only right you join me through that. Only if you want to though.”

“Of course, love. I’d be happy to help.”

~~~~

“Hello, internet. So, this is a bit more of a personal video about my experiences with camps. I’m letting you know now, this video won’t have many facts and will just be me talking about my experiences with the system. Later, my roommate and boyfriend will join me in explaining how we ended up where we are today,” Dan began.

A few tears fell from his eyes as he relived the day his brother was taken away from their family for self-harm. He also explained how the school taught him about the system, which was easier than he thought.

He also explained the events with Jacob (using a fake name) but only before he went away. He’d mentioned he was making out with his boyfriend when they were caught but left out the abuse and his name. Dan was nowhere near comfortable with revealing that to the world, not even Phil knew. As far as Dan was concerned, only he, Lilly and Jacob knew.

Even though Phil wasn’t in the story when Dan first went to Camp S369, he had him join from then on.

“Everyone, this is Phil; my boyfriend. I didn’t meet him straight away but he’s been to camps before so I figured two people’s experiences are better than one,” Dan explained, holding Phil’s hand under the camera.

“Hey, guys!” Phil said happily. “As Dan said, I’m Phil and his boyfriend. I’ve been to a camp before I met Dan and I’ll just be adding little insights of mine as we go.”

“Right, so. When I arrived, I was put into a room with Josh, that’s not his real name, by the way. Anyway, Josh was this fourteen-year-old stereotypical emo. Strong fringe-game, black clothing, enjoyed listening to MCR. The whole thing. Anyway, I didn’t think we’d get along much. He was quite standoffish so I’d planned to just let him do his own thing. We ended up getting reasonably close - no not in that way - but he always refused to get too close. I think something might have happened in his past to make him struggle to trust people but who am I to say,” Dan explained.

“As far as the actual camp goes, it wasn’t too bad. Imagine, university but with a lot less freedom. You were given jobs to do, meal preparation, cleaning, laundry, etc. It varies for everyone but the entire time I was there, I was tested at least every two weeks. Testing is basically when they take your blood and test it, giving you a percentage of how “cured” you are. Pretty sure it’s bullshit, though. I don’t really understand how the testing is done but I’m researching it and trying to understand it. Once I do, I’ll make a video on it for all of you, or maybe part of another video.”

“I think I joined about a year after you arrived, right?” Phil said, joining in.

“Yeah. About a year, year and a half. Something around that. Anyway, a few months before Phil arrived, Josh left and a new roommate, Pj Liguori, which is his real name, arrived. Pj and I hit it off quite well; we became best friends pretty quickly and a week before Phil arrived, we made plans to escape. Thing is, we planned it for the day after Phil arrived so we had to postpone it for a little while when we found out we were getting a new roommate.”

“Well, I’m sorry for ruining your plans,” Phil joked.

“You should be,” he laughed. “So, after a while, we ended up talking to Phil about escaping and he agreed to join us. When we escaped, it was quite intense. Everything went as planned until we arrived in Brighton. Government officials caught up with us and tried to force us back to the camp. Obviously, we didn’t want to go back so we started running towards the repeller centre.” Dan stopped, sniffling. Phil, who was still holding his hand, squeezed it in a comforting manner. Dan squeezed back before continuing.

“Pj was shot. I tried to pull him with us but the attempt was futile. Phil pulled me away, kicking and crying which is the only reason we’re safe now. Pj was taken to a hospital because he was in critical condition but he didn’t make it. Phil and I were fixed up, and moved to Ireland,” Dan told the camera, voice numb.

“Once we moved here, we bought an apartment, got jobs and now we’re here,” Phil ended.

“This is going to be quite a long video once we add in the photos, skits and stuff so we will make a second part, explaining Phil’s camp experience and also more about the actual camps. You can click over here to subscribe, this is my last video, talking about key people who created the system and also well-know repellers. Click over there for a random video and I’ll see you all next time. See ya,” Dan said, standing to turn off the camera once he finished.

“That was fun,” Phil commented.

“I guess. I just hope no one will ask too many questioned about our escape cause I don’t think I could answer them.” Dan said, now removing the memory card and putting it in his laptop.

“I know, love. Just remember, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I’m going to go start dinner; do you want anything in particular?”

“Whatever you want is fine.”

~~~~

“Fuck!” Dan called when he got blue shelled right before the finish line. They were sitting on the couch playing ‘Mario Cart’. Dan’s Youtube channel had picked up quite well and now had over fifty thousand subscribers. “Phil! How could you?”

“How’d you know it was me?”

“No one else is horrible enough to blue shell someone right before they cross the finish line!” Dan reasoned.

“I’m not that horrible. Besides, it’s called strategy. I came second because of it.”

“You didn’t even come first!? Phil, if you're going to blue shell me out of first place, you need to at least come first. Having a computer beat us is one of the most horrifying things that can in video games! And I’ve played Silent Hill!” Dan argued.

“I didn’t think he would overtake me last minute,” Phil squeaked, holding his hands up.

“Well, that’s why you don’t blue shell me when I’m about to cross the line!”

“It was worth it, even if I didn’t win.”

“I hate you,” Dan spat out, joking a serious tone.

“You love me,” Phil countered.

“You’re such a spork,” Dan laughed. “But it is true,” he agreed, moving forward to quickly kiss him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Let me know in the comments.


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! It's been a wild ride, hope you enjoyed it.

_ Twenty years later... _

Dan, Phil and Lilly found their allocated seats. Lilly was their seven-year-old daughter they adopted six years ago. Three years before that, they had gotten married. Legally, they were Mr and Mr Howell-Lester, with their daughter, Lilly Rose Howell-Lester.

Dan was the one to name their daughter. When they’d first met one-year-old Rose, they fell in love instantly and Dan requested they name her in honour of his childhood friend. Phil agreed, of course; he always loved it when people named their kids after flowers. The middle name was kept to honour her birth parents.

As the lights in the building dimmed, they settled into their seats.

“Hello and welcome to the Nobel Prize Award Ceremony here at the National Concert Hall in Dublin. Here you’ll see some of the over fifteen hundred guests assembled here for the prize ceremony held on December tenth as every year; the anniversary of Alfred Nobel’s death.” The host announced before continuing on about how important the man was, everything he did and a bit about the history of Nobel Prizes.

_ “We have been through so, so much together and I want to go through so much more. I love you very much and it would be a real honour to spend the rest of my life with you. So please, Daniel James Howell, will you allow me the greatest pleasure of being your husband?” Phil asked, a goofy smile plastered across his face. _

_ They were seated in a fancy restaurant that probably cost a fortune to eat at but Dan couldn’t bring himself to care. Phil had just asked him to spend the rest of their lives together. _

_ “Phil,” Dan said, too shocked to actually answer. Once everything caught up to him, he shot out of his chair and engulfed Phil in a massive hug. “Of course! Of course, I will! I love you too!” _

“And for these reasons, I would like to announce the winner of the Nobel Physics Prize. The award goes to,” the host paused as he opened a letter. Even though he probably already knew, pausing for dramatic effect was customary. “Mr Robert Avery.” The room erupted into applause as the winner stood and walked onto the stage.

“Thank you so much. I remember when I was a little boy, being obsessed with physics. Just ask my parents. Every day, I’d bombard them with questions about why things moved the way they do or how things work and fit together. If you told that little boy he’d be standing here today getting a Nobel Prize, he wouldn’t have believed you. Growing up, my interest in physics never died out and by sophomore year, I knew what I was going to be when I grew up. I made it my goal to find a big, new discovery or at least do something important in the field of physics. Though I might not have got there yet, I’m still determined. I will get there one day with the love and support of family and friends, and of course my wonderful wife.”

Dan listened as the man spoke about junior and senior year and he felt unnaturally angry. He hated hearing about this man’s life growing up and how perfect it was. He never was affected by the system and how it stole people from their lives without forgiveness. The man shared plenty of events about his college days as Dan sat seething.

Phil must have noticed this as he took his hand and squeezed it comfortingly while giving him an apologetic smile. While Phil had also been taken away from his family, his past nearly wasn’t as bad as Dan’s. Lilly looked up from her seat next to Dan and tapped his arm.

“Daddy, are you mad?” she questioned.

“Shh, Lil. I’m fine, thank you, Sweetie,” Dan said, kissing the top of her head before focussing back in on the stage as the host was about to announce the next winner.

“The winner of the chemistry Nobel Prize is... Mx Katlyn Gibson.”

_ “Dan, I’ve been thinking about it for a little while and I wanted to run an idea by you. Just remember we don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Phil explained slowly one night at the dinner table. _

_ “What is it?” Dan asked. _

_ “I was wondering if you would like to start a family.” Dan spluttered when he heard but managed to keep the food he was chewing in his mouth. Dan swallowed before continuing. _

_ “You what?” _

_ “Want to start a family. Only if you're okay with it though. At work, I heard about a fourteen-year-old girl who was raped by her foster father for being transgender. I mean, I guess she was technically a he, but anyway. She- uh, he got pregnant and wasn’t able to get an abortion. He passed away during the birth but the baby has nowhere to live. She’s in foster care at the moment but no one wants her because she’s from a ‘toxic’,” Phil explained, using air quotation to say ‘toxic’. _

_ “That’s horrible.” Dan agreed. _

_ “I was wondering if you’d be okay adopting her? I just hate the idea that her entire life, she’ll be shipped around for something she can’t control and that shouldn’t matter.” _

_ “Well, I’d like to meet her before we finalise anything but I’d be okay with starting a family. How’d would we do that, though? I don’t think the British government will just hand her over to us.” _

_ “I’ve looked into it. One of us would have to adopt her and bring her home. Once here, we could legally change her name to our last name and the birth certificate to list us both as parents. I’ve sent a letter to the council and they say it’s perfectly legal and that they would help if we choose to go through with it.” _

_ “You’ve thought a lot about this, haven’t you?” _

_ He laughed shyly, “Yeah, I guess.” _

“Ms Liliana May,” the host said as Dan started to pay attention. He wasn’t sure why he kept zoning out but he couldn’t help it. He just kept thinking about his life and how it got to the point where he was seated at a Nobel Prize Award Ceremony.

Dan recognised that name, though he couldn’t work out where. Maybe he read something about her. She must have done something big to get the Nobel Prize for literature. The woman on stage wore a long, lilac dress that fit her gorgeously. Her black hair sat in curls on her shoulders as she spoke.

As the woman said her speech, Dan slowly began to remember who she was. She looked familiar, sounded familiar. Everything about her was familiar. Suddenly everything clicked into place like a picture being created when the last puzzle piece was put in its place.

“I used to have a friend; Dan Howell. He was a victim of the system; being taken at the age of fifteen to never be seen again. I never got to say goodbye to him so I wrote this book. I know he will never read it but I like knowing it exists. This book, my first and only bestseller, depicts my high school life. From age twelve, where the two of us learnt about the system and toxicities in more detail, to three years later, when he was ripped out of society. Of course, this story only describes my side of events and how I felt once he left, but it’s the work I’m most proud of. It ends with a letter to him. He will never get to read, but I like thinking he knows what it says. I’d like to accept this award in honour of him and his bravery.”

Phil sat in complete shock next to him. Dan lent over and spoke. “Oh my god. I can’t believe I’m seeing her again. That’s the woman Lilly is named after.”

_ “Have you got your passport?” Phil questioned, using air quotations for passport. They were still official passports but they had their old last names and said that they weren’t married. That they just lived together. _

_ “Yep. Ready to go meet our possible new daughter?” _

_ “As I’ll ever be.” _

_ Dan and Phil climbed off the plane and took a cab to the care home the one-year-old was staying at. The place wasn’t really a foster home since no one wanted her. _

_ “You’re here to meet the toxic’s baby, aren’t you?” the grumpy woman taking care of the kids asked. Dan and Phil nodded, noticing the fact that they didn’t use the baby’s name. ‘The toxic’ had named her Rose but that apparently didn’t matter. _

_ When Dan and Phil’s eyes landed on the baby, they fell in love instantly. The little kid had light brown curls, matching Dan’s, and bluey green eyes identical to Phil’s. She looked exactly like how their baby would look if that was physically possible. _

_ By the end of that day, adoption papers had been signed and Phil was now legally a father. Once they flew home the following day, papers were dealt with straight away and the unnamed baby became Lilly Rose Howell-Lester with two dads on her birth certificate. _

“Daddy! Papa! That’s you!” Lilly exclaimed from her seat beside them. Dan looked up to see Phil standing and the entire room clapping.

“Stay here, Lilly,” Phil said to her before dragging Dan down the aisle towards the front of the room. Of course, Dan would miss his own announcement. Apparently they were walking forward to receive the Nobel Peace Prize.

“Thank you so much,” Phil said into the microphones. “We were ecstatic when invited to attend this event, we never in a million years thought we’d be leaving with a prize. Because of this, we, uh, well, we never made a speech,” Phil explained embarrassingly to the audience. A few giggles spread around the room as Dan stood slightly behind Phil, hiding. Even though this technically didn’t count as audience participation, Dan’s nerves weren’t planning to help out.

“As Phil said, we never planned anything. Aren’t they like, meant to send out a letter to tell us beforehand? Anyway, when I was growing up, my entire family always told us that the things considered toxic weren’t bad. My brother and I always told them everything and they helped us through a lot. Unfortunately, my brother was, or is, mentally ill and has depression. He was taken away when someone reported self-harm marks on his arms. I was eight when this happened. When I was thirteen, the school taught us about toxicities. At the end of that week, a boy asked me out. I declined and a whole heap of stuff happened that ended in him being taken to a camp. A friend of mine, who actually won an award earlier tonight, Lilliana, was the only person who continued to talk to me after. She didn’t know it at the time, but when she invited me to her birthday party, it meant the world to me. When I was taken to a camp, my entire life ended. I’d lost my family and friends all in one fell swoop but I was determined not to give up. Before I escaped, I made two really good friends, Pj Liguori and Phil Lester,” Dan shared, smiling at Phil when saying his name.

“Meeting Dan was one of the best days of my life. When I got taken from my parents and brother, I’d lost everything. I gave up and I would have rotted away in a camp if it wasn’t for him and Pj. We escaped together but unfortunately, Pj was shot and killed,” Phil continued. “One year ago, today, we were in Australia, closing down the final camp. The headlines on papers that day were ‘the world’s changing for a better future’. They were definitely right. The world has changed considerably for the better. Twenty-one years ago when Dan and I escaped to this country, we never would have guessed at the camps would close so soon after.”

“I’m really happy that all the camps were closed and that, from now on, no one will be taken away for being who they are. Remember, people love you for who you are, not for who society wants you to be. With that, I’d like to accept this award and honour Pj Liguori, whose death was not in vain. He helped me to become strong enough to fight back and help make the world what it is today. Thank you.”

“Thank you.”

The audience stood and applauded them as the walked back to their seats, still slightly red in the face from embarrassment at not having a speech. The audience didn’t seem to mind, though; they did get a standing ovation after all.

~~~~

“Lilly!” Dan yelled as he ran towards his old friend. She spun as Dan gave her a tight hug. She hugged back, smiling and laughing.

“It’s good to see you too, Dan.” Once the hug ended, Phil and Lilly had caught up. Liliana knelt down to be at her height.

“And you might you be?” she asked, still smiling wide.

“I’m Lilly. Daddy says I’m named after you,” Lilly said.

“Well, I’m honoured. You can call me Lil.”

“But I’m Lil!” Lilly countered. Dan bent over to engage in the conversation.

“How about Auntie Lil?” Dan offered.

“Sounds good to me,” Lilly agreed.

“It’s so, so good to see you again,” she reiterated. “And this must be Phil,” She said, extending her hand for Phil to shake.

“Yep, it’s lovely to meet you. Oh! Congratulations on your award,” Phil remembered politely.

“Oh yeah! Congratulations, I completely forgot ‘cause I was so happy to see you,” Dan agreed. Phil pulled Dan into his side, squeezing him lightly.

“You too. Congratulations. You definitely deserve the peace award for all you’ve done.”

“Papa, can we go to the chocolate fountain?” Lilly asked Phil.

“Sure kiddo. It was lovely to meet you. I’m sure I’ll be seeing a lot more of you from now on,” Phil called as he was pulled away from the two friends towards the chocolate fountain.

“Would you like to come over for dinner sometime?” Dan offered.

“I’d love to,” Liliana said, smiling. “Let’s get some photos taken to commemorate our reunion. We’ve got a lot to catch up on but for now, let’s make some memories,” She ordered, pulling Dan towards Lilly and Phil. They spent the rest of the evening together, occasionally getting politely interrupted for congratulations from strangers.

_ The End. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it. It's all over. It's a weird feeling knowing this story if finished and now I get to move on to writing a new one. I hope you enjoyed the journey I took all of you on and I'm really happy if you've read this far.
> 
> Make sure to let me know what you think overall? Also, if anyone has a timestamp request, comment it and I'll be sure to write it.


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